Getting Ready for Christmas

When you’re a grandparent this time of year is really fun, especially if you can afford to buy your grandkids anything. We’ve got a little breathing room right now so we’re having fun buying all of them some Christmas. I wouldn’t dare post what they’re getting (a few are very computer literate) but it’s enough to say that the girls are getting girl stuff and the boys are getting really cool toys that I would love to play with! You all know that boys never really grow up. In fact, most of us would love to have access to a Toys-R-Us for a day or so, using up every battery in the store playing with the remote control toys.

I’ve never thought of it before, but that would be a good way for a wife to keep her man happy. Buy him a new toy every month or so and give him and his friends time to play with them. I know I’d love it.

I wish I could justify dropping $75.00 on a remote control boat for our neighborhood lake. I might even let the grandkids try it, but I doubt it. I’m afraid they’d sink it or run it into the bank. If I do it, it’s my money, but if they do it I might get mad. Who cares if I’m 58 years old? I still like toys!

My son-in-law and I spent some time last weekend wandering around Home Depot and Lowes, which are really toy stores for older boys. I finally told him to get me out of the place before I bought a combo set that was not budgeted for Christmas. I have a good many projects to do around the house and it seems like each of them require a special tool (at least in my mind), so I want one of nearly everything.

I have managed a great deal of self control and am waiting patiently for Christmas so I can take over the cool toys from my grandsons. I’ll let them play with them, but come on, let your old PawPaw have a go, okay?

Just say something nice

I work with a lot of really nice people. We have very few people in our department that are just hard to get along with. In fact, there’s very few in the whole company. It’s a utility that has been managed well over time and there’s always been a family atmosphere no matter where you meet the employees. There are some people who are ‘less friendly’ but for the most part everyone gets along well.

When you’ve worked in that type of environment for a while you start expecting that kind of behavior wherever you go. That’s why rude people surprise me so much. When I try to do business with someone and they’re just rude or short in their responses it just knocks me back on my heels. I try to just smile and let it go, but sometimes I get my back up too.

That’s not really what I wanted to say actually. Today, I received an email from a guy I sometimes interface with that gave me some light praise for the way I handled a problem. He copied my manager, which was nice, and it really made me feel good and appreciate him more. It was just a small gesture that cost him nothing but a few minutes to type it, but it was important to me. What made it even more special is the fact that he’s not known to do that very often. I guess my action was so surprising to him that he felt compelled to note it.

Of course, it made me realize how important it is for me to do the same to those around me. It doesn’t take much energy or time to write a quick note, but it can really make someone’s day when you do. I think I’ll do that more often.

Kathy and Computers

KATHY AND COMPUTERS
There's an episode on Andy Griffin where Jerry Van Dyke plays a character who can do nothing right. Every job he attempts he ends up messing up more than he is supposed to fix. He's just an accident waiting to happen. And that's the way my wife and computers are. She can walk by one and the screen will start to twitch.

Well, it's not that bad, but it is pretty bad. She just doesn't understand them and I can't seem to help her with it. I admit I'm a bit impatient because I work with computers for a living and expect her to know stuff she doesn't. I've been trying again to help her learn more and I'm making myself sit back and let her do it. She's picking some things up now that will help her but she still gets very, very frustrated when she has to do more than read an email.

She called me into the office one evening and I could not believe what she had accomplished without even trying. She had apparently laid her arm across the keyboard which triggered a key sequence that caused the screen to switch sideways. I had personally never seen that happen and could do nothing but laugh. It took me a few minutes to figure out how to fix it back but still can't figure out how she caused it.

Another time she messed up her email view so bad that it took me nearly 30 minutes of pouring through the help files to get it set back up. I just sort of looked at her side ways with that old "what have you done" look.

Last night she was trying to print labels for her client base from an old laptop up in my computer area. She was using my printer since it was closest to the laptop. Well, the laptop is old and the printer doesn't feed right all the time, which led to a day of frustration for her. The first problem I discovered when I came home was that she hadn't plugged the printer into the computer's USB port. When I fixed that and she tried to print the printer fed 3 or more sheets of paper at a time. She decided to print one at a time but the print queue hung up on the computer. I can't get a command prompt or computer services to come up on the computer, so I couldn't get it un-hung without booting it. I googled the problem and found a script that would reset the print spooler but it didn't help. I tried deleting the files from \system32 directory but couldn't because the spooler had them tied up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr

At last I decided to boot the computer, take it to her office and print them on her printer. That sounds easy enough except the screen gave up long ago on the laptop so I had to move a monitor too. And it's an old piece of lead monitor that probably weighs 20 pounds. So, I lug it all down stairs and hook it up, set up the labels for her and hit print..........Yeah!!!!!!

Now, I really need to take the time to sit her down and teach her how everything works, sigh.

Point Of Purchase

Our new band, Point Of Purchase, played at our former church Sunday, the 24th and had a really great time. We are a 4 piece and are still getting used to playing together in this configuration. I’m on vocals and rhythm guitar (mostly acoustic), George (normally a drummer or bassist) is on lead guitar, Jeffrey (usually on percussion) is on drums, and Dennis is on bass. Jeffrey is also doing vocals and we’re both doing harmonies for each other. I love having someone else doing vocals too because I like to do harmonies and my voice doesn’t hold up as well as it used to. Jeffrey has a great voice and a lot of experience in the sort of thing we’re doing, so he is great to work with.

Sunday was our first engagement in our present form and we were a bit nervous even though we were in friendly and familiar surroundings. We did songs we all know fairly well, but still felt a little uneasy for some reason. I was my usual addled brain self and forgot some of the lyrics but I think everyone is used to that by now. This cancer medication is making it worse and I struggle a good deal trying to remember the most familiar stuff sometimes. But, it’s a small price to pay for keeping the cancer at bay.

We set up in a line across the stage with me on the far left (viewing the stage from the audience), George, Jeffrey and Dennis. Jeffrey was on his kit and, since he was doing some of the vocals, we wanted him out front with us. He did such a good job on the drums, adding just the right amount of fill and keeping a steady beat. Dennis was his usual steady and colorful self on the bass and George, of course, was superb on lead guitar. I can never understand how George can play so clean while not using a pick. And he is very creative and inventive while he’s playing live.

We intro’d and closed with a little instrumental I had written, which also blended right into the first song. We were a little shaky on it but it came across all right I think. It’s always more fun to do your own music when you can, and although it was just a short instrumental, it was still fulfilling in a way playing other stuff isn’t.

We built the band in order to play restaurants and such and are still working on pop/rock/blues music, but we’re also at our very core a Christian band that plays worship and special music (of our own). It’s been a big job for us to get the pop stuff off the ground because only one of us has experience with that. We also are struggling with work schedules and deer season, but we’re still committed to that goal.

This is our current lineup (stuff we can do pretty well):
1. Ain’t No Sunshine
2. Anyway The Wind Blows
3. Authority Song
4. Lyin’ Eyes
5. Mellow Yellow
6. Oh, Pretty Woman
7. Peaceful Easy Feeling
8. Seven Bridges Road
9. Take It Easy
10. Tequila Sunrise
11. Blackbird
12. Crazy Little Thing Called Love
13. Free Fallin’
14. Good Love Is On The Way
15. I Love A Rainy Night
16. Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door

Christian
1. Awesome Is The Lord Most High
2. Beautiful One
3. He Reigns
4. Surrender
5. Your Love Never Fails
6. It Is You
7. For The Lord Our God Reigns

A Weekend Camping

We went camping last weekend and had a really great time. It was a short trip but was fun and the weather couldn’t have been better. It was cold at night though and my frequent trips outside the camper to relieve myself were excruciating.

My daughters and their families met us and it was nice for everyone to spend time together. We missed having my son and his kids with us but there really wasn’t room enough on this trip anyway.

Unfortunately, we missed our exit on the way down and drove 30 miles out of the way on Friday. We got there a good bit later than we had planned and ended up eating sandwiches instead of steak that night. No problem though. We were just ready to eat and didn’t really care what it was at that time.

Three of the grandkids were there, Chase, Taylor and Hunter. Chase met friends right away and had a great time hanging out with them. Taylor spent most of her time in her aunt’s laps or playing with her bothers. Hunter, our 3 year old, had his electric 4 wheeler and spent most of the time riding it. He’s really very good at steering now and could weave in and out of the trees without hitting much most of the time. He also kept us entertained with his very energetic personality. I cannot remember seeing anyone as much of a carbon copy of their dad than he is. Always ready to laugh; quick with his temper; and completely engrossed in whatever he’s doing, he is a joy to watch.

We were on a hike Saturday and he tripped over a root and fell flat. We were all expecting a little whining or some crying, but instead he grabbed a hand full of dirt and threw it angrily at the root that had caused the mishap.

All in all it was a nice relaxing and entertaining weekend spent away from the house and work. I love camping.

Hot

It has been a really hot summer so far. Makes you wonder if Al Gore may be more than the inventor of the internet after all. Nah, he’s just an opportunist. And to top the summer off I have very regular hot flashes as a side effect of my medication. Don’t get me wrong, I understand just how minor a side effect it is compared to say ‘throwing up your meals every other day’, but it can be aggravating just the same.

I love to work in the yard, working in my flower beds, spreading mulch and dirt, laying out landscaping cloth and watering my plants, but I have to really keep an eye on my internal temperature due to this hot flash business. Sometimes it feels like I’m cutting grass with a Franklin stove stoked with seasoned hickory. I must sweat a quart of water every hour because after only fifteen minutes my clothes look like I just took them out of the washing machine. So, what I’ve learned to do is work about 20 to 30 minutes, come inside and stand in front of a fan while guzzling water. After about 5 minutes I’m ready to head back out and continue. It certainly takes all day to complete a major project, but I have to do it that way or you end up with heat stroke. A minor inconvenience, yes, and I’m not complaining at all, just stating the facts.

The only thing that really bothers me about the whole thing is the sweat that seems to be generated on my eyelids. I’m sweating so much that sweat keeps getting in my eyes which do not like it at all. I keep a rag with me to continuously wipe the sweat but there’s no way to keep ahead of it. I honestly feel like it must be my eyelids that are sweating even though that sounds crazy, but it certainly seems like it.

Oh well, such a small price to pay to live with cancer and not expire, so I’ll just keep wiping my brow and eyes and keep working. I’m just thankful I can work around the house and do what needs to be done. I certainly couldn’t afford to pay anyone to do it.

Happy Pills!!!!

Well, I’m on happy pills now and have not felt much like writing for a while. I’m taking pills to help me with anxiety and they have sorta taken away my desire to expose my simple little world to others for a while. Now, who would have ever thought I’d be one to get anxious? I’ve always felt like I was able to cope with life with a smile and the ability to laugh at the hard turns. My buddy and I used to say to each other, “just don’t take yourself too seriously and you’ll be able to laugh at most things in life”. I feel like I’m an optimist in the center of my being. I tend to look with confidence at the future and don’t usually have much of a feeling of dread, but because of this cancer medicine I’m taking I could not control my feelings. My wife insists that I’ve been depressed for a while (because of the cancer) but I didn’t think so. Sure, I was irritable and couldn’t sleep and couldn’t control morbid thoughts, but other than that I was fine!

At any rate, I got to the point where I just couldn’t stand myself any longer and got some help. They put me on Lexapro, which is a medicine that helps with depression and anxiety and man it works wonders. In 2 days I felt remarkably better and feel like I’m more like my old self now. I laugh more, criticize less and enjoy others and their company so much more. I am patient to a fault and love my family more like I used to. It’s a nice change and I’ve grown to appreciate these drugs more than I ever have.

In fact, there was a time when I didn’t think people should have to use them. Just man up and get over it, was my mantra and for years it seemed to work fine. But, the human mind is really a fragile thing and we are not as strong as we would like to believe all the time. Of course, my fragile mind was weakened a great deal in the 70’s when I abused drugs a great deal. I spent a month in the hospital unable to communicate effectively because of the accumulation of drugs in my system. Could it be that now, some 30 years later the scars are causing this weakness in my brain? Perhaps, or maybe it’s just a frailty that all of us have the potential to experience. Not sure, and it doesn’t really matter. The point is, I have found a need and these wonderful pills have put me back on track.

Just had to share this

This link is from James Lilek's blog page. He is one of the masters of blogging and has been doing it a great while. He's a columnist by day and a blogger by night and I love to read anything he writes.

And this is from one of the many pages on his site that poke gentle fun of the 70's and 80's. You can't help but laugh at some of the stuff we used to take from granted.

http://lileks.com/institute/interiors/BHG/

My daughter is doing well on her mission trip in Argentina. We have spoken with her twice on Skype (thank God for technology). She will be teaching English and working with the local missionaries wherever she's needed.

And now some looking back,,,,
tomorrow is father's day and I can't spend that day with my dad since he passed away many years ago. I was a senior in high school when his heart gave out and he got a new body in heaven. I was a great deal selfish then and didn't take the time I should have to talk with him about life, his life and what he expected of mine. I wish now that he had sat me down to talk about things, but I guess he was just thinking he'd get better soon.

He fought hard in WWII in N. Africa and Italy and came close to death over there a number of times. We found out a little of his adventures when his captain came over and they spent the evening swapping stories. My mom sat up and listened and passed all she could remember on to us. He was blown out of fox holes, drug his captain back into his foxhole, spent time trapped behind enemy lines and fought in close quarters in town after town. I would imagine it was similar to Saving Private Ryan and the battles they encoutered in the countryside. He was not even able to finish high school but was drafted in his senior year. Fortunately, Georgia Power didn't require that back then if he could pass and entrance exam.

And when he came home with all of those horrible memories still fresh in him mind, he got married, got a job, had kids and went to work, never asking for a 'thank you' and never feeling sorry for the turn his life took. Mom told us that when he first came home and the alarm clock would go off, he'd grab it and throw it across the room thinking it was a grenade. He just put it out of his mind as best he could and got to work raising his family.

I wish I could sit down with him now and ask him all about everything he experienced in life. I would love to know about his life growing up; when he got his first job; his first fight; his first kiss; his thoughts when he got drafted; his life over there; and all about his fears, failings and triumphs. I am a lot of who I am because of him. Jesus changed me a great deal after I met Him, but I'm still the son of John Richard Mulkey Jr. and and thankful for that.

Dad, set aside a few years for when I get to heaven. We've got some catching up to do.

My third child is heading overseas today for a mission trip to Argentina. We are very excited for her but will miss her weekend visits of course.

Angela has always had a heart for missions. We read mission books to our children when they were young and encouraged them all to take short term mission trips with our churches. Angela really took it to heart and has gone on trips all over the world during the summers. This summer she'll be gone for 6 weeks so she can get a feel for what it's like on extended stays. She really wants to know if she can do it full time and thinks this will give her a feel for it.

Every child is different and each child has a different calling in their life. I never tried to point any of my kids in any particular field, but we did try and influence them to love Jesus. We encouraged them to do their very best, to work hard, to get along with others and to study. All of them have been successful in their lives and we're proud of all of them, but we're glad that God gave Angela a heart for missions. I think all of our kids have an interest in missions but they haven't been called to it as Angela has.

It's hard to let go of your kids and let God lead them away from you. My oldest daughter lives in Columbus and that's a long way to me, but if God calls Angela overseas it will be really hard to take. I know if He prepares her heart to go, He'll prepare ours to let her. It may not be easy, but I'm willing if she is.

It was a little on the hot side this weekend, with occasional bursts of cool breezes. I was able to get lots of stuff done, but it was a struggle.

I'm on this medicine for the cancer and it has chosen to affect other areas of my body too. For one thing, it makes me sorta tired and, of course, it gives me hot flashes. Now, being tired and trying to work is a challenge, but couple that with hot flashes in 80 degree weather and you can see how it can kick your butt.

I managed to get my mom's yard cut Saturday and helped my wife clean her house. We then headed to Columbus to work in my daughter and son-in-law's yard with them on Sunday. We planted around 25 bushs on Sunday and it was hard with those sudden attacks of internal heat that set me on my butt. On Monday we were able to clear out some grown-up weeks and lay pine straw over the various islands in the front yard. We just took our time getting that done so as not to get to hot, so it wasn't too bad.

All in all it was a good, fruitful weekend and we were able to enjoy the view as we drove away. That's the nice thing about gardening and landscaping, you get such a feeling of accomplishment everytime you look on the results of your hard labor.

We had the whole family over this weekend, four kids (but only one spouse could make it), 5 grandkids and me and the beauty. When you have all the grandkids over together it actually works out better because they tend to play together outside, which makes the house a lot quieter. Of course, you also have the potential for far more whinning, crying, hurt feelings, tattling and fussing, but that's considered part of the territory and is expected when one has children. All in all, the kids had a great time and we did too. And I only got aggravated once or twice.

We all went fishing on Saturday evening, with the grandkids trying to help and wanting in on the action too. Even the 2 year old was able to reel in line a little which produced a huge smile on his face. Chase got snagged by a hook which brought screams and tears for far longer than it was worth, but he wasn't hurt much. Unfortunately, we didn't catch much. I think we only got like 2 snags and only one made it to shore. Taylor, five, snagged one, started crying and wouldn't reel it in, so it got away.

It didn't matter though. We all had fun and I stayed busy unsnagging line and fixing hooks. When you have that many girls and children someone has to spend their time making sure everyone is doing things effeciently.

We celebrated my wife's birthday and I gave her a new rod and reel, which she loved. It's hard buying for her because I can't buy her clothes (don't know how) and she doesn't wear much jewelry, so the fishing gear made good sense to me. It's something she's always wanting to do and we've only got old cheap rod and reels. The rest of her present will be dropping everything in the evenings and taking her to the lake (on our street). It's loaded with bass and we've got a canoe, so it's just a matter of setting aside time and doing it (something I'm not good at).

Family is one of my favorite things and it makes for a great, fulfilling weekend.

I've found that no matter what may happen in my life that I catagorize as 'bad', I can find someone else who is going through something worse. Of course, we all know how easy that is, but we don't usually try when we're in the middle of some illness or family crisis.

I'm going through cancer treatment, but it's not chemo. I have some sucky side effects that I hate, but hey, it's not chemo, okay? I have a friend that has just wrapped up a round of chemo and it's not something I would order from a buffett. It makes you sick to your stomach and your bones ache. So, I can count my blessings even though I have cancer.

I have another friend who has a small child in the hospital trying to recover from brain damage. She was in a car wreck with her mom and ended up with the most injuries. I just can't imagine seeing my child suffer like that, so I can consider myself blessed.

My wife and I sat down the other night and took turns counting our blessings. It was an encouraging excercise that really helped us focus on how good God has been to us. For instance, all of our family has jobs, which is a big thing in this economy. We're not taking that for granted and we're giving thanks that God has blessed us in that way. And even though we have some health issues (at least I do), we are able to do what we need to do and we're able to enjoy ourselves without depending on walkers, crutches or motorized wheel chairs.

Bottom line: Thank you God

I'll never know what it's like to be mother. I know it's a little bit similar to being a dad, but based more on emotions it would seem. There's a solid, unbreakable bond between a woman and her child that is just completely different than that of a man and his children. I can often remove myself emotinally from whatever conflict arises in my child's life. I can say, "well, do this and that and perhaps you'll make it through". I can even step away and let them fall if they're heading over a hill, but mom has a tougher time doing that.

She wants to step in and fix things. She feels their pain and can soothe their wounds. She offers wise counsel when needed and can just as quickly step in with a rebuke. She knows how to sew and what knows which color of clothes can be washed together. She wipes away tears and knows what to do with a sore throat. She'll stay up late to sit with her sick child and will rise early to fix their morning meal. She is tireless; persisten; faithful; gentle or harsh, depending on the circumstances; watchful; caring; soothing; industrious; and can wear any other hat whenever she's called on.

I put my mom through her own private hell when I was younger. She prayed faithfully for me and was patient with me while enduring hardship. I was selfish and lost and did not appreciate her love for a number of years. I have found forgiveness and have tried to be a good son since those days. I will be eternally grateful for such a loving mother. I know I can never pay her back, except to love her. And that I'll try and do while we're together on this earth.

I love you Mom

Well, I have to be thankful for medicine I suppose. It does have it's benefits, that's for sure. Like, prolonging life, blocking pain, and easing the runs. But, in my case right now it's also making me 'normal' again, whatever that is. I feel much better today than I have for the last week or so and I'm grateful. I can actually sit at home alone and not obsess over things I have no control over. Last week was scary and I did not like it, not one little bit. I could not get my mind to behave and focus on what I knew was true. It just wanted to focus on bad things that I knew was untrue, but no matter how much I tried I could not get it under control. I don't know if you've ever experienced it, but it's bad.

We're assuming it's a side effect of the drug I'm taking to control my cancer. I have no other reason to be depressed that I know of, so I'm hanging the blame on it.

Now, during this ordeal, the one thing that was constant was my wife's understanding and patience way with me. She is the most amazing woman, full of compassion; thoughtful; caring; gentle and loving. She accepted no offense when I offered it, knowing it wasn't me that was speaking, but the depression. She listened without judgement and didn't try to figure things out for me. She was patient and loving during the whole ordeal. And when I found that I couldn't make logical decisions (like pick out a pair of shoes), she helped me out. She called the doctors for me and even found a set of tires for my car. I just couldn't get my mind to work and she sensed it. When I had to drive to Columbus to work on my daughter's house she volunteered to go with me because she knew I wouldn't do well driving that far on my own. And we really enjoyed the ride because we were able to talk things through during the trip.

I have to say again, that she is the love of my life and for good reason. She is one in a million and I can't believe she chose to live her life with someone like me. I, above all me have been blessed beyond what I deserve in this life. Thank you Lord for my wife!



You’re my closest friend, a bond that will not end

You and I together, we can face the stormy weather

and wherever I may go, you’ll be there for me I know

the warmth of your embrace I know could never be replaced


and I will never understand why you would stay

I know I try your patience everyday

but you’re my friend



You’re my closest friend I’m a amazed at how we blend

me and all my thoughtlessness and your patience never ends

and as we both grow old you’ll be there for me I know

you always seem to be a source of constant strength to me


And every dream I ever dreamed you answered

On the day that we both said I do

How can I begin to ever thank you, oh for all you do

Lynn Mulkey

The nurse gave me my injection about 3 weeks ago. It's a drug that shuts down my prostate gland and makes a few other changes in my body. After she gave me the shot, I asked her if I should expect any significant side effects, like rolling on the floor fits. She said, "No, but you'll turn into a a woman". I laughed with her not fully knowing what she meant, but I have slowly found out. The hot flashes were the first signs that something was changing. I would be just fine, and then, without warning would get a hot flush that I could not control . They varied in intensity and usually occurred early in the morning and late in the evening. But, more and more they are getting more frequent and it's a pain in the butt. But (no pun intended), it's something I can live with.

But this weekend has been a challenge, and one that I have detested. I didn't really realize that I was getting in a depressed state until sometime Thursday or Friday. I just knew I was irritable and I didn't want to do much in the evenings. Kathy was busy with her real estate business and was not home much and I found myself blaming her for little stupid things that she had no control over. I knew it was stupid but just couldn't get through it. She then spent Saturday evening at a class reunion while I sat at home and that just made it worse. By Sunday morning (after very little sleep that night) I was in a pretty bad state. I talked to Kathy about and the preacher seemed to know what was going on (smile), and it was good to get it out of my chest.

We ended up driving over to Alabama on Sunday and just relaxing and by this evening I'm feeling much better. I just realized that if this is what women go through during menopause, then I feel their pain. It's a special taste of hell when you know you're thinking wrong but can't control it.

This medicine may help me live a bit longer by keeping the cancer in check, but dang it I don't like it. I don't like it at all.

But, you know what they say? "Oh well!"

Well, it's yard work season again and I am so glad. By the time April awakens from it's slumber we're all grumpy and restless and ready for a change. I find myself examining the Bermuda for signs of life every day hoping that walking on it will hurry the process.

I've actually contracted with a lawn service this year after comparing my lawn with my neighbor's and realizing it was no competition. It's like a 90 pound 9th grader trying out for a college team, I just didn't stand a chance. I did all the right things but apparently spraying on fertilizer and weed killer works better than the granuals. Go figure,,,

We're actually getting some money back from the IRS this year, which is nice for a change, and we've allocated $500.00 to the yard. I'm so happy! It's like Christmas in the spring except I'm just buying stuff for myself instead of the kids and grandkids. I hooked up my trailer to Tony's truck and headed to the landscaping stores, buying a few loads of dirt, rock and sand and went to work on the back yard. I filled in a ditch with river rock to try and keep my yard in place in one area and planted some more thatch in another. I made 2 raised beds and bought a few plants to decorate them with. I still need to spread some pine straw in my existing flower beds but just ran out of energy and time this week. I took Tuesday off of work to do some work, but when you're by yourself you can only do so much. I love doing it, but it is tiring.

I still haven't decided on what to plant in the new beds. I've planted a few things but still have a large bed to decorate. It takes me a little while to make those kinds of decisions. It's a combination of inexperience and not knowing enough about the plants. I do a lot of reading on it, but there's just so much to take into account. Do you plant annuals, perennials, evergreens, grasses or whatever? Also, how long and when do they bloom? Aaaaaahhhh, too many decisions.

I do like the creativity involved though. It may take me longer, but it's theraputic. And, as I've gotten older I've found I need more of these kinds of things to keep me busy and focused.

Missed my friend

As many of you know, I lost a great friend a number of years ago and to be honest have never gotten over it. Ben was a unique person and the best friend I've ever known. He was intensely interested in my life, my family's life and made an that extra effort to help us live up to God's standards. He was a talker who, when we had a meal together, saw it not as an opportunity to eat, but to talk. When we took a table at a restaraunt I let the waiter know that we would be there a while and I tried to tip well.

I've got a lot of very good friends that I love dearly but I've never met anyone like Ben. I prayed the other day,,,"Lord, I'm sure you already given Ben his rewards, but would you give him one for me for being such a good friend?"

Sweet, sweet memories

You know, the brain is simply fascinating. In fact, it's fascinating that my brain is even now thinking about how fascinating it is. The brain is aware of itself and is aware of how complex and mysterious it is. It is aware of itself, but it can't explain itself. I've asked it many times why it can't do a better job or why it seems to be getting lazy as I age, but it just shrugs as if it hasn't a clue. I've tried sitting and meditating on it as if it will reveal where it's hidden past events and I just can't make any headway.

Memory is very selective. We tend to remember things that are pleasant and that make us smile and feel warm and cozy. That's a good thing really. Who wants to remember what it was like when Brenda Starkly made you feel like a backwoods hick with 3 teeth? Wait, did I actually write that? Can't remember.

Memories seemed to be locked in a safe and you have to have the right combination to retrieve them. Music is an obvious key to a lot of memories, especially love and lost love memories. It's the reason we tend to avoid some songs. Of course, the older we get the less we remember exactly what the song is attached to. It's more of a feeling that sorta warms you belly. Puppy love is a great feeling that we all cherish and songs just conjure them up like the smell of lilacs in the spring. And songs from childhood will be forever locked in our noggins. I was surfin' the web yesterday and ran across the song, "Open Up Your Heart And Let The Sunshine In". I don't remember where I heard it but I could sing along as soon as I heard it, and it invoked such a pleasant child-like feeling of innocence and peace! Ahhh, "Mom! Watch me Mom! Watch me do this!"

Bad memories have to be forcefully brought out of the darkness. We will often dwell on them and when we do we might initially like the taste, but soon remember tha pain and then must find something to drive them away again. I can still remember when my kids played sports and watching them be bullied. I devised all sorts of evil that should happen to the bullies and still will if I don't force my mind onto more pleasant thoughts. Dwelling on those sorts of things do no one any good and can open the door to bitterness and anger as quickly as anything.

I'm glad you can't remember physical pain. Now, I can remember that my kidney stones hurt like hell, but I can't actually remember the pain. All of those electrons are ghosts that quickly fade. I'm so glad. I have just enough memory to want to avoid pain, but not the pain itself.

I'm not sure why I started writing this. I had a very good reason, but just can't remember what it was. Think I'll listen to my IPOD a while and see if I remember.

Consistency and Faithfulness

Consistency and faithfulness are good solid words that describe traits we should all nurture in our lives. I’ve been thinking about those traits lately because I’ve been thinking about some people I know who model them.

If I remember right, I was talking to someone recently about the different people who have impacted our lives for the positive. As I examined each of the people that I have admired I wondered what it was about them that caught and kept my attention, and these 2 traits kept creeping up.

They are actually 2 different character traits; consistency has to do with you they are and whether or not you change much over the years, where faithfulness shows how you behave themselves toward others and how well you keep your promises. One is internal and the other is external. And yet, they are so closely entwined and similar that we can easily substitute one for the other.

If you’re consistent, people know that no matter what you’re going through you will not change who you are as circumstances change. For instance, I know of a young girl that will either be nice or hateful, depending on what external pressure she is feeling. A consistent person will always relate to you in a nice and gentle way (hopefully) even if their world is crashing down around them. Think of Ashley in ‘Gone With The Wind’ compared to Miss Scarlet. No matter what happened to Ashley negatively, she always had a smile and thoughtful word. Whereas the only thing consistent about Scarlet was her inconsistency.

The kinds of people I was thinking of are always nice, gentle, patient, thoughtful and caring toward others. No matter pressures are on them from their jobs, kids, family members or friends they always greet you with a smile and an honest “How do you do?” And I emphasize honest.

Faithfulness is exhibited by how our consistent lifestyle is shown in relation to our promises, whether stated or implied. If we promise to be somewhere you can count on us to be there unless seriously detained. You don’t have to wonder if someone is going blowing you off or are lying. Their lifestyle gives you the assurance that they can be trusted. How can their lifestyle indicate that over time? Well, they show up even when they know there will be un-pleasantries involved. In other words, they don’t shy away from a fight or a situation that they know will cause them pain or where they know they will suffer loss. If a person is faithful in the hard times, they will be faithful anytime and you can count on them.

Say your friend is going through a tough time and it’s effecting their disposition to the point where everyone dreads seeing them. All they do is gripe and complain and snap at those they love because they are sick or worried to the point of distraction. A faithful friend will visit them anyway, endure the unpleasant conversation, smile and maybe even offer a prayer for their quick recovery.

I knew of a guy who visited his friend often when he was going through treatments for cancer. He had to drive 20 or so miles to get to the hospital and it would have been so much easier for him to just stay home, but he didn’t. He got his things together every few days and drove to the hospital to spend time with his friend. The friend eventually died, but he died knowing someone loved him, and loved him enough to spend time with him. Faithfulness is hidden away until it’s inconvenient, then it’s like a light that has been turned on and you can’t see it until it’s dark outside.

A faithful person has to be able to endure hardship and has to have some kind of inner peace and joy. Without that inner peace and steadiness they’d simply choose the easiest path in every situation and would be known as ‘unfaithful’. Having an ‘self’ built on a solid foundation makes a faithful person. Those who are not faithful are those that are easily distracted by the fulfillment of the moment and pay no attention to the cost. Their only concern about the cost is that someone else will pay it.

So, the question is, “am I a faithful and consistent man”? Do I shine in the darkness and am I always the same person no matter what pressures are pushing in on me? I always judge myself harshly and dishonestly and besides, it’s hard to judge yourself rightly on these points, but I hope so. And I’ll continue to strive to be.

Wouldn’t it be great if our tombstones simply said, “Faithful and Consistent”?

A Musician Without A Band Is Not Really Happy

I retired from doing the worship leader stuff a couple of years ago. I've still got a band that I can round up pretty quickly, but we don't have a regular gig anymore. I find myself wanting to get back in now; wanting to have something to work for; wanting to play with others on a weekly basis and it's just not come together.

David and Dennis and I had the idea to put together a 3 piece, but because of their schedules we've decided to not do it. David's business has him traveling too much to learn the material and make it to practice every week, so it just didn't work out. Now I've found myself with a big question mark over my head. And everywhere I go it just stays with me (like a dark cloud hovering just above my head).

I've called a couple of buddies that I've worked with before and neither have panned out yet. Ricky can't because he's starting a new business and George had to cancel lunch with me yesterday because his church service went on too long. It would be great to get George to work with. He is an amazing musician who can do it all and do it well. He's a drummer now, but is also very good on guitar and bass. He's tied up at his church every Sunday and that may keep him from agreeing to anything else, but we'll see.

I've got the best schedule now, because I work regular hours; am home by 5 and am not committed to play at my church. In fact, we've just started getting involved at our church so we're not tied down at all.

So, I've been asking the Lord over and over about what I'm supposed to do now as a musician. I don't feel like I'm supposed to get involved much at this church, but I don't know what else I can do. The sermon yesterday really helped though. The pastor was talking about something altogether different than my problem, but he quoted a verse that really spoke to me, "Isa.30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

God will let me know what He wants me to be involved in. I just have to keep asking Him and keep knocking on people's doors until I find out His plan. He is not in the habit of withholding information for spite so I know I can count on Him for this.

Okay, my delete key has just messed up and it's driving me crazy. On a Mac it's the backup key, which I use constantly. So, I'm wrapping this up now. You get the picture anyway.

Sites that might interest you if you are a musician

Interviews with well known musicians
http://www.livinglegendsmusic.com/

A professional sound technician who rubs shoulders with the famous bands
http://www.caughtupinthefable.blogspot.com/

Ever wonder about the background to a song?
http://www.songfacts.com/

What about guitar stuff like alternate tunings or how to play?
http://www.guitarnotes.com/

Songwriting tips
http://www.musesmuse.com/

Rhyming Dictionary
http://www.rhymezone.com/

More guitar stuff
http://www.guitarists.net

Been a little under the weather lately and still busy, so I haven’t taken much time to write. As with most people, something’s got to be set aside when you’re feeling bad and it’s most certainly not gonna be T.V.

Actually, I haven’t watched a lot of it either. I’ve been mostly on the couch nursing a sick headache. I’ve found out it’s because my heart is much too strong for the rest of my body and it’s been pumping blood with too much force, causing a rise on the pressure excerpted on my veins. It’s a tragic situation that has no easy remedy except exercise (long term solution) and/or medicine (another long term solution). So, I go to the doctor and he says, “take your medicine and call me in a week to see if it helps”. The headache has eased off a bit for the last couple of days, hence me writing this.

I’ve watched a show called “Pickers” for a couple of nights where 2 guys scour the countryside looking for people who hoard stuff that eventually turns into antiques and/or collectibles. It’s fascinating to see how much stuff some people can accumulate. Where do they get the money to buy all that stuff is my question when watching it? I mean, some of these people have fortunes set aside in the form of ‘junk’ or antiques. It simply blows the mind at the volume in some of the barns and houses. And most of the people won’t sell anything. It’s like they’ve become married to it and just can’t part with the least little part of their memory. I’m sure in some cases it’s a sickness. One guy was finally talked into selling a couple of funny looking bowling jackets and that helped him let go of some of the really valuable stuff. But, before that he wouldn’t sell a scented candle. Funny! So, for the last couple of nights I’ve dreamed of crawling around old barns looking for junk.

On another note, people have been getting on my nerves lately. I’m not sure why everyone can’t be perfect like myself. But, until they do I guess I’ll just spend time being pissed.

Like the guy at church who can’t talk to you without getting on some teaching kick. I swear, every time I try to talk to him he gets this serious look on his face and starts going into the teaching mode. I know I don’t know much, but I just feel like there’s a time for that and there’s a time for just hanging out and talking about nothing. I knew another guy like that one time and found myself avoiding him whenever I could. Come on man, lighten up and smile a bit, okay? Church seems to bring that out in people. I guess it’s a way to appear ‘spiritual’ or something. But the people that seem ‘spiritual’ to me are the ones who are full of joy and are more concerned about you than what you know. Know what I mean?

Okay, you can tell I’ve not been feeling good, right? But sometimes you just have to get things off your chest.

Bleah!

Ramblings

Got a new/used guitar the other day. My friend Ricky had something called a silent guitar made by Yamaha that I have wanted ever since I saw one. It's basically the neck of the guitar extended the whole length and 2 fake curved pieces of plastic attached to give it the appearance of a guitar. You plug headphones into it and play it privately wherever you may be. I can play it at home while Kathy's watching TV and not disturb her program. Ricky found that he didn't use it very often and offered it to me at a very discounted price so I jumped on it. I've enjoyed playing it this week even though Kathy's not been home to annoy with it. It has some built in reverb and sounds really good and full through the headphones. I love technology. But only if it's uncomplicated.

I spent the weekend helping someone move from Greenville S.C. back to Atlanta. My son and I did all the loading and completely filled up a 26 foot U-Haul. I was tired Sunday. In fact, we didn't go to church that day. I just didn't want to move. It's not that I was sore. I was a little, but I was mostly just tired. And grumpy. And I had to take off Monday to move the stuff into a storage building. It was a beautiful day Monday and I was grateful for the wonderful weather, but it did get a little hot in the back of the truck. My son's son noticed I was tired during the day and he said, "Pawpaw, you don't sound good". "Well, thanks Ian, I'm tired", "well, take a break Pawpaw" he said rather matter of factly. He's such a grown up sometimes.

It's amazing how much the weather affects our moods. It's been raining for a couple days now and it just sorta puts you in a lazy, relaxed mood. For all the comforts we've built over the years to protect ourselves from the weather, we still let it govern our outlook a great deal. If it's a sunny but not too hot a day, we're just chipper and happy. If it's cold out we can get grumpy and restless because we can't get out and enjoy the sun and wind in our face. For all our progress, we are still creatures of the earth.

And our band still hasn't practiced much. Everyone is always out of town with their businesses. I'm a little discouraged to be honest. It's hard to practice the music even though you know you should when no one else can play with you. Maybe things will settle down soon. I hope so.

Sometimes You're Down and Sometimes You're Not

I know I've been a bit of a whiner lately because I've not felt great. I'm sorry, but I just say it like I feel it sometimes. Anyway, this week has been much better. I still have an annoying cough, but I can handle that by just covering my mouth, right?

Our little band has not been able to practice because the other guys are always out of town with their businesses. I can't really sing much but still wanted to practice on our guitars and stuff. Oh well, I'm sure we'll eventually pull it all together but I'm just a bit impatient. I'm always in a hurry for some reason and this is no exception. I've often heard that God has his time schedule and it never seems to line up with ours. I believe that's true. All I can see is a short life span and I need to cram in everything I can, but God sees the bigger picture and is not in a hurry like I am.

On a side note,,,,

Georgia weather is bipolar. One day it's sunny and warm and the next it's cold. It was actually warm at lunch today and now I've got the logs burning to stay warm. It's like winter is running short of breathe and is still trying to turn March into miserable. It can only get a short gasp of cold air out at a time and then needs to rest a bit before it hits us with another blow.

And that's all for today,,,

Drugs

Getting well is a kick in the butt some times. What we've come to believe is that drugs can make us well, and in a lot of cases they can. But as they are working on one part of our body the other parts are suffering innocently. Ask anyone who is being treated with chemo therapy and they'll tell you right away that the cure can make you sick as a dog.

I'm being treated for cancer and fortunately I don't have to have chemo therapy. I'm being treated with a hormone that will hopefully keep the cancer from spreading. They can't really get rid of it at this point, but we just hope it stays in the prostate and doesn't get out and infect other parts of my body.

I had my first real treatment on Wednesday (2 days ago) and am just now feeling the effects. I am tired and fatigued and just don't feel like getting off my butt. I tried to help out over at my son-in-law's house when they were pulling up old carpet but just couldn't get myself going. I'm hoping this will not long and I'll feel better tomorrow because I'm just not used to feeling tired all the time.

Yes, it's a minor inconvenience compared to those who are fighting for their lives against more aggressive forms of cancer, but I just don't like it. I especially don't like to feel tired on the weekend. I've been sick 3 of the last 4 weekends and am looking forward to one where I can get outside and do some yard work.

I know I'm whining, but we all do from time to time.

There is so little justice in this world

For any of you who have spent much time in church, you know that there are plenty of people who say they're Christians but you just can't understand why they do the things they do. Yes, they're called hypocrites and they're always blamed by non-church people as the reason they don't go to church. It's a problem that has always been and will always be until God sorts everything out in the future.

But occasionally you'll run into someone who just seems to exemplify the kind of life you envision should be labeled Christian. They are usually very humble and quiet (though not always quiet) and they just seem genuinely concerned about others more than they are themselves. And they do it all without drawing attention to themselves. When someone has a need they aren't just concerned about it, they do something about it. They just seem to use most of their energy attending to the needs of others.

That's the kind of person I know who has just learned she has cancer, and a very serious variety of the devil's brew. Why is it that someone like her gets this insidious disease and not someone who spends most of their time and money on themselves? There is just no real justice here on this earth. The rain falls on the just and the unjust; and cancer afflicts the just and the unjust just as well. And I think it just sucks.

God is God and I love Him, but I hate it when someone like my friend has to go through something like this. I don't wish cancer on anyone, to be sure, but why her?

All I can do is pray, pray, pray and I will.

But I'm not ashamed to say, "Damn cancer, damn it straight to hell".

A New Band - DLD (Don't Look Down)

I have been playing guitar for something like 20 years now. And, by that I mean, seriously expressing myself on the instrument as compared to a general interest in it that includes strumming a few chords occasionally.

But, in all those 20 years or so (no, I don’t know when I really started) I have only learned and played Christian material, including my own. I have no apologies for that, as there is no need to. It’s just an observation.

I have played with many talented musicians and have enjoyed myself immensely. I have led or played with various praise bands over the years and have grown as a musician as a result. You never get beyond yourself until you play with someone a notch above you. It’s true in sports, music and almost any other endeavor. If you want to improve in an area start hanging with someone who is better than yourself and learn from them. And I have played with a lot of people who are much better than me.

So, after I retired from the last church as a worship leader I found myself sort of floundering in the music field. I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I tried playing guitar at home and learning techniques on Youtube, but I was easily bored. I need another challenge in order to take the next step and keep my interest up. I had kept in touch with all the band members and we had talked about trying to get some gigs at other churches but for some reason I just couldn’t get motivated to do it. I was always the leader of the band and everyone still looks to me to keep us going, so if I wasn’t going to do it, it wasn’t going to get done.

Anyway, (where are you going with this?) two of the band members and I decided to put together a 3 piece band to do the Mexican restaurant scene. We are trying to learn some good rock oriented songs that sound good with a 3 piece and are going to mix in some Christian music too. That way, we can introduce some Christian rock to the non-Christian community, as well as entertain them with some music they’re more familiar with. I really hope it works out because I am really excited about doing it.

We worked about 8 hours on 3 songs yesterday and ended up sounding pretty good on them. They’ll need some more work, but it was a start and we can begin adding 3 more for our next practice. The first 3 are, “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers; “Big Weekend” by Tom Petty; and “Authority Song” by Seger. The Authority Song was the hardest to put together because it had the most moving parts, but we did a fair job for the 1st run through. I’m also excited about David and Dennis handling some of the vocals, at least some of the backups. Dennis sang along with a John Mayer tune last night on Youtube and he sounded great (I had never heard him sing before).

I’ll try and keep this thing updated on our progress. It’s a new adventure for me and I’m looking forward to seeing it come together. Wish us luck!

Birthday Party for One Of the Grandkids

One of my grandaughters had a birthday last week and the family got together for a party. My other grandaughter will have one this Sunday. I just marvel at the toys that are available for kids now. It obviously has to do with my generation growing up after WWII and getting to live in prospertify and peace. We were showered in toys and games and free time like no generation before us ever was and we used that magic to create even more toys for the next generation.

I'm sure my parents had some toys when they were growing up, but it's a fact that most of them spent the marjority of their time working rather than in play. There were no organized ball teams, the scouts were for rich kids and there was little money available to purchase toys for the kids. People grew their own livestock and everyone had a garden and the kids went to work when they were in their early teens, if not sooner. And, it was real work like cotton mills, cotton picking, canning factories or other types of hard, manual labor.

My mom tells of growing up on a working farm and the challenges it presented. The kids toted water from across the street until they were able to put in their own well. The older son had to get up first and build a fire in the fireplace and kitchen stove. Of course, heating with wood meant that the boys had to cut firewood every year with a cross cut saw, split it and stack it. The had livestock that had to be fed before they went to school. In the summer there was a garden to be worked. I'll never forget one time complaining about raking the leaves to hear me uncle laugh and say they considered that fun when they were growing up. It was a hard life for years until the county put in gas to the area and my grandad was able to make improvements to the house like a shower and central heat.

So, after the stress of the war, those who made it through and found good, solid jobs had the money to spend some on their kids. They also had more time on their hands because they worked 8 hour days in most cases and did not have to work a farm on their off time in order to make a living. Their kids were also able to enjoy the benefits of a prosperous economy by receiving toys to play with. They did not have to help their parents as much by working the gardens and feeding livestock, etc..

Now our kids are not only enjoying the fruits of a prosperous era, but the added benefits of technology. They hold in their little hands a computer with more processing power than the one used to put a man on the moon. Their toys stretch the limits of technology and imagination and give them little opportunity to be bored.

My grandaughter is 5 years old and has a hand-held computer with numerous games; somewhere over 15 baby dolls or characters; a couple of art sets; a complete makeup set; doll strollers, high chairs and beds; and more clothes than a child in a developing country will see in a lifetime.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, I'm just making an observation. We had fewer toys as kids and still had a great time. I just hope they don't take it for granted and think it's their right in life to have stuff. I hope we can somehow show them that its a privilege and a blessing and not a right.

It's one a.m. and I'm sitting up watching some T.V. and cooking some rolls. I've been battling a kidney stone all day and now I can't sleep. I haven't eaten much all day because every time I did I would throw up. The pain was just about as intense as anything I've ever dealt with and I walked around the living room all day trying to get it to pass. At one time I thought it must be trying to break free because the pain increased to a 12, but I don't think it ever left.

At this point I'm hungry and am not in much pain so I'm going to eat some rolls and try to go to bed a little later.

Not much left to say except,,,"Lord, please get this thing out of my body!!!!!"

Thankful That God Doesn't Share Secrets

I knew a man once who on more than one occasion would expose the sins of others. I have no idea what his motive was but he had the opportunity to hurt many people, especially younger lives. He was in a position of authority over teenagers, whose sins are often more exposed than those of us who have spent a life time learning to hide our weaknesses and transgressions. I have often thought about this and wondered why someone would want to do that. I'll never figure it out and would not be satisfied if I heard the explanation from his own mouth. The funny thing was, he was highly respected by many in the Christian community in our area as if he were some noble example of what Jesus wants us to be. I just never could respect him and still don't.

But, I think I did learn something important from knowing him and seeing him in action and that is, I'm glad God doesn't share secrets. God sees our hearts and they are often dark and complex and filled with things that we wish would go away. It's often explained as a sin nature. It's our natural nature to sin and although we get tired of it and wish we wouldn't, we often find ourselves apologizing to God. And if we're all plagued with the same ailment why are we not more compassionate toward others in their weaknesses? It would seem that the more prudent method of handling transgression is to pull the person aside in private and encourage them to straighten out. At least that's the way I handle things.

God loves us, and I mean really loves us. He will not tolerate sin, and has provided a complete solution to sin. He will not intentionally embarrass us unless it's absolutely necessary, and sometimes it is. If there is a secret sin that we refuse to deal with God may very well expose it to others so that they can help us get over it. But, I'm convinced that's the exception rather than the rule. God most often just speaks to our hearts in private and reminds us that He loves us and wants us to stop whatever it is we're doing. He doesn't want to stand before the whole family of believers and announce, "hey everybody look at what he's done! Can you believe it? I would think he'd know better don't you?" That's just not the way God works.

Don't ask me why I decided to share this right now. I just often think about the whole thing and am often trying to sort it out, so I thought I'd just put it down on cyberspace. You may know who I'm talking about but I would be the last one to expose someone on purpose. I just needed to get it out of my system.

Please keep this confidential,,,,

The Big 'C' Word

I can remember as a young boy hearing of cancer. It was a frightening word that meant unimaginable pain followed by certain death. And, I'm sure in the 60's people were considered 'dead men walking' if they got cancer. I knew I never wanted to get it. I mean, there you are minding your own business while an unknown and unwelcome parasite is taking over the inside of your body. And most of the time you never know anything is going on until it's too late.

I found out sorta by accident that I had prostate cancer. I had blood in my stool and went to the doctor about it. He brushed that aside as a simple hemorrhoid but wanted to get some blood tests while I was in. I'm glad he did now, because cancer had already taken hold down between my legs and was trying to ruin my love life. I had radiation treatment and the doctors assured me I could rest easy, the cancer would die.

Well, it did for a while, but now it's apparently back and we don't want it to advance any further. I just don't like the drugs they want me to take. The side effects sound like something you'd expect to occur in a concentration camp.

Kathy and I prayed about the whole mess last night and I found a great peace in the midst of the fear. Here's about how the prayer went,,,,

"Lord, Kathy and I love You and have served You faithfully all these many years. You have been my father for a long time, especially since my real father passed away so many years ago. I've relied on You to guide me and protect Kathy and I and have never worried or doubted that You would. And now the devil has attacked me with this insidious disease (I believe it's him trying to kill me) and I need You to help me. Please heal my body of this cancer and protect me from it's power. We love You and trust You to help us."

You know, I have a real peace about the whole thing. God has numbered my days and I may die tomorrow, but I have asked Him for at least 20 more years. I still have some stuff I want to accomplish in this life and I'm not in a hurry to get to heaven. I'll have eternity there, but I'm only given a little while here, so why get in a hurry? I'm confident that God will protect me and heal me. He will take me home only when He is ready and the devil and his cancer be hanged (they can go to hell for all I care).

Like a Rolling Stone

Jan. 26, 2010, a day that will live in infamy. That's the day I had my first kidney stone. I also hope it marks the last day I had a kidney stone.

I woke earlier than usual that day and felt a little groggy and off. I felt like I had been drugged or something, but got up, got a shower and got dressed. Actually, I guess I should preface this with how I felt last week. Starting over a week ago I started having internal chills, headaches and "I just don't feel good" symptoms. I even visited the doctor last Thursday because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. He thought it was a virus and sent me on my way. Apparently my body sensed something was wrong and was trying to let me know.

After getting dressed I sat down to do some reading, which is my habit, but just couldn't get comfortable. My stomach was a bit upset and my back felt stiff. I kept moving around, trying to find a place that eased it up, but couldn't, so I stood up. And that's when all hell broke loose. All of a sudden the reality of what was wrong became evident, as there was a very pronounced pain in my left side where I understood my kidney was housed. I tried walking around the room to see if I could get some relief but the pain just intensified. It didn't take long before I got my wife out of bed and told her I had to go to the hospital. And all the time she was getting ready and I was calling work and my ride the pain increased. There was no relief to be found in any position I could find. And the pain was intense.

She drove me down to Tanner in Villa Rica and I hopped out of the car in front of the emergency room, walked in and tapped on the window where the night nurse was sitting. I was supposed to fill out some paper work but brushed it aside and announced that I had a kidney stone and wanted help NOW!!!! The nurse sorta smiled and said he understood, that he knew what I was going through and not to worry about the paper work. He took me back immediately and they took my vital signs. My blood pressure was up, but we all understood why and they hurried as much as they could. Another nurse took me back to a room while Kathy signed me in. She took some blood, then hooked up an IV. Shortly after that she slipped in 2 drugs, one of which was morphine and oooooo did it feel good. Actually, I didn't like how the drug made me feel because it sorta rushed my head, but the pain was gone and that's all I cared about. Well, it wasn't completely gone, but it went from a screaming 10 to a 1 in about 2 seconds.

They did a CAT scan on me and confirmed that it was a kidney stone. I needed one other shot of morphine before they released me with a prescription for more drugs, but I was already feeling better. I saw another doctor later in the day who explained everything to me and went over the film again.

I'm without pain right now, which is good. I haven't passed it yet, but at least I'm not hurting. Of course, the bad news is, there's another on the right side that could try and escape at any time. That is cause for worry.

I'm In A Hurry And Don't Know Why

Yes, I know I'm a very impatient person. I despise slow drivers, or at best don't understand them. I try to be patient with older people, but I don't understand why anyone who is under 60 would want to drive slower than I do. Why isn't everyone in a hurry? Aren't we all in a race against time and need to push ourselves constantly because we have to get somewhere faster? Or something like that. I don't know why. I've gone over this any numbers of times in my mind, but I have no idea what the answer is or even if there should be an answer. I just have this internal drive that must get everywhere faster.

Which brings me to Ingles. I really like to shop at Ingles. They have big, clean stores with lots of stuff and lots of unusual stuff. It's my kind of place. But the pumps are an altogether different thing.

Welcome to Ingles, please scan your Ingles Card,,,wait, wait, wait,,,,,

Welcome valued Ingles customer, please choose payment type,,,,Credit outside - wait, wait, wait

Please insert your card in the card reader - Card entered, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,,,

Please choose fuel grade - Cheap - wait, wait, wait, wait, wait


Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh - This is insane, especially when it's cold outside. Is this dial-up or do they send carrier pigeons with each response?

I'm a baby boomer who grew up with technology and I've seen it change from a rotary dial telephone to the speed of light used with the internet. I'm used to speed and I hate to wait on anything electronic. Electronic stuff is supposed to be fast, as fast as light, faster than sound and faster than analog.

I just finished filling out a complaint form on the web site. Time will tell if they will actually respond. In the mean time I will be very impatient.

Organizing Again

It’s amazing how only 2 people can generate so much unused stuff in a house in such a short time. I started doing a bit of organizing of kitchen drawers this weekend, which led to the hall closet and I was just amazed at how quickly we can accumulate junk. Of course, a lot of it has to do with Kathy’s mom visiting yard sales and loading Kathy down every time she visits. I know when she finds these treasures that it makes sense to buy them, since they are dirt cheap and in good shape, but they mostly just fill up space and are thrown away in 6 months.

Let’s see, in the kitchen drawer were 3 to 4 pair of scissors, at least 15 to 20 pens (some no longer working, of course), 2 magnifying glasses, keys that have no known locks to turn (and yet we’re afraid to throw them away), 4 bic lighters, 3 nite-lights, 1 multi-plug, 100 push pins (an estimate), various tools and other miscellaneous things which have no known purpose (like the cover to some remote or toy). So, I put the tools in a box in the closet; put the pens in one tray and the scissors in another; put the other stuff in their appropriately names plastic bins in the hall closet, which led to it being re-organized.

In the closet, I cannot even begin to count the number of drug bottles and tubes that were thrown away because they had expired. I re-organized all the drawers so that the band-aids were stored with their brothers and sisters and not off in the ointment neighborhood (they do not get along). I also discovered lots of motel soap and shampoo that were canned, along with ointments that had a checkered past.

After we were done we had lots of open space left and were both amazed at how nice it looked. Everything is now stored with other relatives and all the plastic containers are nicely labeled. So, if we’re looking for ear plugs we will look in the “eye, ears, nose” box instead of finding them in the “extension cords” box.

I’m posting this because I’m sure we’ll go through the same routine around July of this year and find that the closet has coughed up a whole new batch of useless stuff which we’ll throw away.

Living By The Spirit

I know I’ve written about Christian matters before, especially as it relates to relationships and now I’m going to post again.

I heard a sermon Sunday that got me thinking again about the relationship between our bodies (“the flesh” as it is referred to in scripture), our spirit (that is made alive again when we enter into a covenant with God) and our soul (the mind, will and emotions that ultimately govern our actions).

When we enter into a covenant with God through Jesus (when we are “saved”), our spirit is made alive by His Spirit. We are reborn in the spiritual sense and are given new power to overcome sin. We are first forgiven of our sin and are also given power over it’s control in our lives. For once we have the ability to say ‘no’! This is a good thing and something that we need to both cherish and rely on.

When we are born, we have a soul and we view this as the seat of our mind (intelligence), our will and our emotions. Our soul is who we are in one sense and the soul will never cease to exist. Our soul is what responds to music, art, words, others, etc. and is the reason we all feel so passionately about our choices of music. Music becomes an expression of our soul, because our soul is what responds to the emotions introduced by music.

Our flesh is something we are stuck with on earth for as long as we live, whether we like it or not. Our soul is tied to our bodies as long as we are living and our body (obviously) is the channel of information for our souls. Our soul is also the traffic cop between our body and spirit. Our will (soul) decides what the flesh will respond to or dwell on and we will either starve our spirit or feed it. We receive input from our senses and our spirit is affected by the information we feed it through our bodies. If we let our eyes, ears or touch feed on evil, it will darken our soul and spirit. If we let them feed on good it will enlighten and nourish our soul and spirit. But the soul is really the traffic cop.

Now, let’s look a moment at the difference between the flesh and the spirit. The bible says that the spirit gives life and the flesh death. We know why the spirit gives life, because it is energized and controlled by God’s spirit (if we are born-again). But why does the flesh bring death? The answer, of course, is because it is selfish and sucks life out of everything around it. The flesh, by its very nature is a life draining force. We eat to satisfy our bodies and something must die in order for us to consume it. And in every other way our flesh never gives life but always drains it, or kills it.

I had a pastor friend who cheated on his wife. It was a selfish act of lust that lasted a very short time, but hurt many, many people for a very long time. I'm sure when he was doing it he thought he could keep it secret and it would hurt no one, but he couldn't keep it secret. In fact, even if he had it would have still affected his relationship with his wife and others. When people seek to satisfy their flesh by living selfishly they will always hurt those around them in some way. Why does God put such a great emphasis on sexual purity? Because when we break that law we are killing our partner. When a person has sex with someone outside of marriage they rob the person they're having sex with of sexual purity and of the other benefits that come with marriage. They are also robbing their partner of the benefits they agreed to when they entered into that covenant, bringing sadness, hurt and emotional rape. Sex was meant to be entered into as part of a greater covenant. That covenant gives benefits to each of those who agree to it such as security, joy, peace and emotional intimacy. To have sex outside of that covenant is to rob someone of those benefits and is selfish. But those truths are also true in other areas of selfishness. Selfishness always, always, always robs someone of something and always must wound or drain life and energy from those around you. That is why it is essential that we live by the Spirit. We must train our souls (our will) to say yes to our spirit and no to our flesh. If we don’t we will only drain life from others and will inevitably leave wounded and hurting people in our wake.

If we are living by the Spirit we will give life to those around us because we will always be more conscience of their needs than our own. ‘Others’ become the driving force in our lives, why we rise in the morning, what we do during the day and why we stay up late in the night. To sacrifice our own wants, energy, freedom, hunger, pain and time becomes the normal way to live life and we, after some time, don’t even consider it a sacrifice. The Spirit is, by its very nature, an unselfish person. We say ‘no’ to a selfish lifestyle because our focus is always on the needs of others and not on ourselves.

So, how do we come to live by the Spirit and not the flesh? It seems as though the flesh is too strong to say ‘no’ to and the Spirit is such a gentleman that He is easy to say ‘no’ to. We do it first of all by agreeing with God that we cannot do it on our own and we can with His help. Once we agree with God we open ourselves up to His power. He responds to faith and agreeing with Him is faith. Next, we, by an act of our will, decide that living by the Spirit is really more advantageous to us than not. We realize and verbalize that being selfish kills others and we prefer others to live; really live. We realize that living by the Spirit will not only bring life to others but to ourselves and we decide, by an act of our will, that we will spend the rest of our lives saying ‘yes’ to the Spirit. We then hang out with and align ourselves with others who agree to this lifestyle so that we can find encouragement and help when we feel weakest.

I know that sounds like a ‘how-to’, because it is. But God does spell things out like that in His word. He gives us clear instruction on how to live in agreement with Him. It’s our job to agree and follow the steps.

Galations 5
13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love. 14The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."[b] 15If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Icey weather in the south

I got up early Friday morning around 4am to check the roads. We had a prediction of some precipitation the night before and seeing how it was in the 20’s we knew it could spell trouble for Georgia roads. I know the northerners make fun of us because we can’t drive on ice, but we only get to practice like once a year and we haven’t developed those necessary skills. Unlike our ability to endure oppressing heat in the summer and still get a lot done in the yard. I’ll bet you anything we sweat more than our Minnesota friends in one year than they do in a lifetime. Besides, we get a day off for snow and they still have to trudge through the snow and ice, which is nice.

Besides, who can possibly understand why anyone would want to try and endure a winter that lasts 6 months with temps hovering on both sides zero and with snow so deep it can swallow a car? Insanity must be highly regarded in such a place.

Anyway, I stepped out onto our sidewalk and knew we were probably in trouble. It wasn’t a problem with the snow, it was rather a sheet of ice. The road was in the same shape, so I called the office and went back to bed for a while. It’s one thing to drive on snow, which does not present many problems, but driving on ice is nearly impossible in my estimation. I checked with my neighbor and he actually made it to the entrance to the subdivision and saw a truck gingerly backing down the hill, so he turned around and called it quits too. We were able to make it out of our subdivision by Saturday morning but some roads were still impassable, so I had to take some detours.

Our lake is also frozen over with a layer of ice. The edges are pretty firm. In fact, they’re firm enough to bounce a good size tree limb off of. Of course, I’d be stupid to try walking on it as 2 young boys found out this weekend. They died while playing on a lake and breaking through the ice. We’d need a good month of really cold weather to freeze a lake solid enough for foot traffic and we generally don’t get that kind of weather.

Speaking of that, it looks like we might be in for a lot of cold weather in the years to come according to some scientists. I guess Al Gore will lose money if that comes true.

I spent Friday and a good bit of Saturday scanning pictures and editing them. I’m trying to scan all the pictures we have so as to protect them from untold events like excessive water in the basement. We lost a lot of pictures because of that in the past and I want to insure we protect them somehow. I’ll use some type of internet security system to copy them to so I’ll have them on at least 3 disks.

By the way, it’s Monday and there’s still plenty of ice around. A lot of counties are still calling off school. It doesn’t take long for a southerner to get tired of this kind of weather.

Focused again

Okay, I haven’t really felt like writing much this week. I’m focused on other things and haven’t thought as much about it. I did write the stuff about Ben and enjoyed that over the holidays, but that’s been about it since.

Music is on my mind right now. I’m focused again and I like it. Since I gave up the music ministry I have been floundering in the music side of my life. Without a clear purpose or direction I tend to just piddle around and not really work on my guitar skills. I have been doing some song writing but that feels futile because I don’t have an avenue to share them right now.

So, I make my up the stairs to my office, pick up a guitar, strum or pick it a while, then set it down because I’m bored. I would try some youtube teaching videos out from time to time but just couldn’t stay focused on them.

It’s frustrating and I beat myself up a lot for not being disciplined, but I’ve found that I need a purpose for playing to stay focused. That’s where David has been a help for me.

David is a guitarist friend that I’ve played in a band with. He is a really good guitar player and I like to play with him but we’ve not been in touch much because our band wasn’t doing anything. I called him the other day and he told me about a Mexican restaurant he visited and heard a couple of old guys playing music during his meal. They weren’t very good and he remarked to his wife that he thought the 2 of us could do much better if we tried. I said, “let’s do it”, and we’re going to try.

That brings me to this. I’m now practicing guitar every night trying to get up to speed on a lot of music I’ve neglected over the years. I’ve been practicing “Blackbird” all week to get it down smooth and I’ve been listening to other soft rock songs to try and get them in my head. It’s exciting to have another purpose to work for and it really keeps me motivated.

I hope I can integrate some of my songs into our mix from time to time which would be nice. It’s rather frustrating to write what you think are good songs and never have anyone but your family hear them. We’ll see how that goes. In the mean time, I’m working hard to get ready. I just have to teach my fingers to do what they need to do on the guitar. I think I can handle the vocals okay, but the guitar needs work.