My Friend Ben II

As I stated earlier, Ben loved the Lord with a passion that I can only talk about because I honestly haven't experienced it like he did. His devotion to God was all consuming, honest and resulted in a life full of compassion and mercy towards others. You could tell as you talked to him that he was genuinely concerned about you, if you were his closest friend or just a waitress at Waffle House. His walk with God became a desire for others to walk with God and enjoy God the way he did.

But, when I first met Ben his relationship with God was similar to Saul's and not Paul's (an obscure reference to a bible character that you can discover in the book of Acts, chapter 9). Ben loved the Lord but he viewed God's world as one where you kept a list of do's and don't's, and the better you avoided the don't's the more the Lord was pleased with you. And Ben kept those self-imposed rules as well as anyone I've ever seen. He was extremely disciplined about his devotion times and his avoidance of anything that hinted of evil. The problem was that he expected everyone to live up to his standards of right and wrong and was disappointed when they didn't. I can remember his telling me one evening that he knew of no one else that loved the Lord as much as he did, a rather arrogant statement to say the least. But, to be honest, I agreed with him. He was so very disciplined that he had me fooled too.

Fortunately, a friend of the family was able to sit down and explain grace to him. And once Ben understood the truth of grace, that God accepts us because of what He's done rather than what we've done, his life was totally transformed.

Being a Hammond means that you're either hot or cold about something and never just lukewarm. The Hammonds have no concept of doing something half-hearted. When they believe in something its like they have blinders on and can't see to the left or right. This was the way that Ben grabbed grace. He embraced God's truth and shared it with all he knew. He enjoyed life like he never had before and was a joy to be with. He still had his faults, as do we all, but they were overshadowed by the joy that now controlled him and his actions. I guess that's why I enjoyed being around him so much. I wanted some of that joy to rub off on me.

Now, the amazing thing about grace is that it frees you up in ways you would never have imagined before. Ben could now enjoyed taking a drink occasionally. He was less judgemental of others and other's actions. He laughed more and was a constant trickster and jokester. In short, he was fun to be with. You knew he still loved his God just as much and was still disciplined in his spiritual walk, but the rules no longer controlled him, it was love. I'm sure it's a hard concept for some of you to understand unless you've experienced grace, but it's the most freeing experience in the world. God loves us. He accepts us on account of what Jesus did, not on account of what we do or not do. He wants us to experience life in it's fullest, which means joy unbridled; hope without fail; and peace to the point where it just can't be explained. He lets us know when we've disobeyed Him, but doesn't ride us like a demented school master. He desires life for us, real life like the kind Adam and Eve experienced before they disobeyed. He wants to walk and talk with us, hand in hand, heart to heart like true lovers. That was the relationship Ben discovered when he turn away from the law and embraced God's grace.

If you'd like to know more about grace please read the book of Galations in the new testament. It explains it well.

Ben was able to walk in grace for a number of years and one thing grace did was help him overcome his feelings of not measuring up. Being the youngest of 6 kids meant Ben was always trying to measure up to his siblings. He never felt like his family accepted his accomplishments, so he was always working harder and trying to prove himself. He was a great musician but he never felt like his family appreciated it and so it left him with a pain in his heart that he never should have carried. Families, unfortunately aren't always the best people to give you positive feedback or for encouraging you in your pursuits. It's not that they don't care or that they aren't amazed at your abilities, it's just that they are trying to measure up too. I know personally that his family was amazed at his talents and abilities, but Ben couldn't see it, not because of his family, but because of his own heart.

When Ben found grace, he found that God accepted him and was proud of him. And Ben was so grateful that he became even more creative. He was freed up to sing for the Lord and not for others and did so with his usual passion and energy. He accepted a position as the worship leader at a church, built a killer band and led others in worship of his God. To say he was loved and appreciated at that church would be a great understatement. A testament to that love was the attendance at his funeral. The place was packed. In his usual manner he had somehow shared his love of God with others and they showed how much they would miss him by seeing him off on his last journey.

My Friend Ben

Ben Hammond was and still is my best friend. He moved to an address in heaven over 9 years ago, but it seems like it was last year. I just attended one of his son's wedding last night and now I'm all sentimental and lonely.

I have a wonderful family, and a world of friends but it seems as if you only have one really true best friend in life. I had a best friend in school and we are still good friends, but we've drifted apart as we've grown older and we don't see much of each other anymore. I've also got great friends that I've played music with over the years. And some of them I feel like I've grown very close to, but still not to the extent that Ben and I enjoyed.

Ben was an amazing musician who was an accomplished drummer, singer, keyboardist, bassist and guitarist. Talent oozed from his pores as much as sweat on a hot southern night. Everything he put his hand to turned into something beautiful, from his carpentry to his music and paintings. I often envied Ben and told the Lord so on any number of occasions. And when he died I asked the Lord for Ben's talent. I figured he wouldn't need them as much in heaven and I would love to have a tenth of them down here.

Now I'm not one to complain to the Lord about anything. I feel like I've been blessed in this life way beyond what I deserve, but I don't think He answered that prayer in the affirmative. I don't complain anymore about my talent and I'm grateful for what God has given me. I just don't understand why God would call Ben home when he had so much more to offer this world (in my humble and ignorant opinion).

Anyway, Ben and I spent a lot of time together, especially his last year. I would meet him for lunch whenever I could and Kathy and I would go out with Ben and Patrice nearly every Friday night. We also spent time in the studio working on our music, but mostly we just talked. Ben was a talker unlike most men you'd meet. His idea of going out to eat was to order your meal, eat it, then spend the next 3 hours just sitting and talking. We talked about the Lord, about each other, about our kids, our music, our church, the world, politics (rarely) and just about everything else. When you spend that much time talking to someone you can't help but get close to them.

But talking is a Hammond trait, just like being strong headed. I don't mention either to make light of the Hammonds, rather I admire both character traits in them because I've seen how much good can come from both. They are a friendly tribe and I'm not sure they have ever met a stranger. If they did, the strangers only remained so because they didn't understand friendliness. And the strong headedness manifested itself in a determined and consistent love of God. Once they found God's love and forgiveness, they not only held onto it tenaciously, but were fervent in sharing it with others and no obstacle was too great for them to conquer to see others enjoy God's love too.

When Ben was in bible school, with a wife and 2 small kids to take care of, he would come home in the evenings and spend time with his family, then head out on the streets after midnight to share the gospel with anyone he would meet. He had found that most people would open up more after midnight and talk so he made that his time to find the lonely and broken and share the love of God with them.

I could go on for much too long talking about my best friend, but I'm going to take a break. I'll try and continue on later because if you're reading this I want you to know about Ben, who he was and all that he did. He loved God more passionately than anyone I've ever known and maybe if you're reading this you'll get that same desire like I have since I've started remembering.

And so it's here, Christmas morning at the Mulkeys. Actually, it was just me and Kathy and Angela and we woke up after 7 and opened a gift each. I got new shirts which I really needed and 2 boxed sets of The Office. Such a funny show to me and I'm glad I"ve got another show besides Seinfeld to watch now.

Gonna head over to my mom's for lunch so we're killing a little time now while we're waiting. I"m watching 'Sleepless In Seattle' which is a tear jerker.

Well, I won't drag this out 'cause there's not much to say anyway.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas.

We were invited to my brother's last night for dinner and had a warm, filling (pun intended) time. It's a long drive out there, plus having to stop and pick up my mom and step-dad makes it even longer. We live west of the city and they live north-east, so we were tired when we got home last night.

I actually think my tiredness was a result of being overstuffed with chicken casserole and apple dumplings (plus a glass of wine). My sister-in-law is a good cook and an amazing decorator. Her house is covered in Christmas themed ornaments and plastic/glass wear. You know, santas, snow men, Christmas trees, etc. Now, when I say it's covered, I mean it's covered. Nearly every nook and cranny in the living room and kitchen has some kind of icon.

The outside of the house is covered in lights also. My brother has assembled an impressive collection of traditional lights (larger than the more popular icicles). He has them draped all across the front of the house, accented with lit candy canes and other various lights lining the yard. His neighbor came over to look and was wearing shades at night to make the point that it was impressive. They really take Christmas decorating serious.

So, we're planning to take my son, his girlfriend and his kids out for dinner this evening when everyone decided to put it off until tomorrow. The kids were tired and cranky and he didn't want to take them out to eat anywhere. We were at the grocery store at the time he called and Kathy asked me what we should do. I agreed in a heart beat to postpone it. It's not that I don't want to see my son and grandkids, because I do, I just like staying at home.

And the older I get the more it's my preferred choice. I still love people and love my family, but I really, really, really, love my house and spending a quiet evening with just my wife. I know, it sounds old, but I can't help it. It's just what I like. I feel comfortable here, and I rest well here, and I don't have to entertain anyone with conversation here. I can just sit and watch TV or I can talk to my wife or I can work on my music or I can just do nothing. But, whatever I decide I like to do it here.

Home sweet home was well pinned, don't you think?

What To Get My Wife For Christmas?

I hate this every year for 2 reasons mainly. One - is that I can't buy her clothes or jewelry because I 'll buy the wrong thing and she'll either take it back or not wear it. She's not into jewelry much anyway. Two - is that we can't afford to spend much on each other because we have kids and grandkids that we spend for first.

So, you sit down and go through your options: Clothes and jewelry is mostly out; kitchen appliances are out; house appliances are out; musical instruments are out (although I could buy her something I would enjoy, but that's just not right); large electronics are out because of expense, as are most electronics that anyone would want because of expense.

Speaking of electronics, she's not into them anyway. She's got a GPS, MP3 player, cell phone and computer and that's just about it for her interest in micro processors.

So that leaves us what? Bed clothes; pajamas; perfume(although she never wears any); books or music; and that's all I can think of.

I'm taking my daughter with me tonight to see if she'll have any better ideas. I tend to lean more toward the practical, because that's what I would like but I know women don't look at giving the same way.

For instance, I would love a drill, screwdriver set, hammer, shoe horn, nail clippers, pants, socks, underwear, etc. But I don't think she'd get the same thrill out of something like that; "Merry Christmas honey, I got you a floor wax removal kit" just doesn't sound right.

Anyway, we'll see. I really hope Joy can help tonight and I make Kathy's Christmas special and memorable. She's worth it.

A New Christmas Song

Christmas songs are hard to write to me. I'm not sure if it's because we're all so used to the ones we already have and news ones just seem like 'johnny come lately' or if it's because I feel like all the good ideas are gone. I've got 3 songs for Christmas and one of them is very good (in my humble opinion). I say I have 3 because I'm in the middle of writing a new one.

Actually, it's one of the few songs I've every collaberated on with someone else. My friend from high school, Robert Deavours, has been helping me with this one and he's come up with some great ideas.

I was just playing my guitar last week, trying out a few old and new ideas when the first line just jumped into my head. That's how most of my songs come about and I've learned to trust those first few lines and build on them to create my songs. This line said, "Christmas time is a time for dancing, Christmas time is a time for joy", not that I can dance or anything. So, I worked on it off and on all week and with Robert's help have gotten close to putting it all together. Here's what I have so far,,,,

Christmas Time
Words and Music by Lynn Mulkey & Robert Deavours

Christmas time, is a time for dancing, Christmas time is a time for joy
Everyone join the celebration; everyone lift your voice and sing
He was born to be our savior, he was born to be our king
Christmas time


Christmas time is a time for singing; Christmas time is a time for love
Deck the halls with boughs of holly, rockin’ all around the Christmas tree
Santa’s watching all to see who’s naughty; and all I want is my 2 front teeth
Christmas time

Bridge
Meek & lowly humble yet holy
the savior came to earth
This little stranger born in a manger
we celebrate your birth.....at Christmas time.


Christmas time is a time for shepherds; they have found their peace on earth
Tidings brought by a host of angels, Highest Praise To The Lord On High
Unto men there is born a savior, see His star shining in the sky
Christmas time

Cursing

I have not been in the habit of cursing since 1972. I was habitual before then, but when the Lord got hold of my heart, he cleaned up my language too. But now, as I've grown older I've discovered a tendency to revert back to swearing and I just don't know why it's decided to creep back up now. It's embarrassing and a good bit disconcerting to me. And I hesitate to even mention it here, but, if you're reading this then you have to be at least something of a friend and know me well enough to know I'm far from perfect anyway.

Oh, it's not a regular part of my vocabulary, but does let itself be known in moments of stress or surprise. Like, if I stub my toe or finger, I'll now have the tendency to say something like s**t, instead of just holding it in and swallowing the pain. I'm sure the words have been hiding deep inside of me all these years and for some reason they've decided to let themselves be known.

Now, this has alarmed me and I've talked to the Lord about it, but He does not seemed to be as concerned as I am (at least, that's how I read His silence on the matter). It has given me pause to think through the whole cursing thing from a more objective stance than I've been willing to do in the past. I've not settled the whole matter in my mind, but I've at least rationalized it to the point where I can live with it now.

Here's my example. This is a case where I wanted to use a curse word very badly to really get across the way I felt about a matter. I didn't use one, because I was at work, but I think it would have been the best way to let this person know how I really felt.

We monitor computers where I work and I support the people who watch the monitors. If they can't figure out a problem they'll ask me to look at it. The alarms are classified as 1's, 2's or 3's, depending on their severity, with a 1 being extremely critical and a 3 being "get to it when you can".

The gentleman on the monitor is highly excitable and prone to panic, which is a terrible personality to have if you deal with problems all day. He received a level 3 alarm indicating a web site was offline. But the web site was not deemed very important to our business and warranted only a level 3. Mike asked me to help him look at it but I was just heading out the door to lunch with some friends and I told him I'd look at it when I got back. This would not do for our highly excitable friend and he insisted I look at it before I left. I explained a number of times that it was a level 3 and could wait, but he just could not be convinced.

It then occurred to me that the only way to get my point across was to somehow use some kind of stronger language and convince him that the problem could be addressed later, like, "Mike, IT'S A ******* LEVEl 3 ALERT!!!!!!" You can substitute any curse word you want to for those asterisks, but I'll have to admit that the word I wanted to say was one of the worse ones available in our culture.

Now, like I said, I didn't say it, but I really, really, really wanted to and I think in that particular case it would have been approved by all within hearing distance to be completely appropriate. And I realized later that that was why curse words were invented in the 1st place. They are there to bring certain and irrevocable emphasis to speech. In other words, in some circumstances there is no other way to adequately express yourself. The problem with our culture is that they're so overused that they've lost their effectiveness and are now adopted by the refuse of society as 'normal speech'.

I don't like using curse words and reprimand myself every time I do. Even when I'm alone and it's only me and God I have a hard time saying certain words. I don't want to get used to saying them, but I'm not so hard on myself anymore if I do. I just sorta kick myself in the ass and say "don't say that stupid!!". Wait a minute, did I just say 'ass'?

Visiting churches

Well, actually, we didn't go to church yesterday. Kathy wasn't feeling up to her usual self and I didn't mind much because I was feeling a bit tired too for some reason. Some days you just don't feel like putting it in high. You'd rather just coast along down hill. No reason really except I just couldn't get a full head of steam.

We spent some time in the morning with the grandkids at my son's house then we went to Mellow Mushroom for lunch. She had only eaten there once and I am fond of their Mighty Meaty pizza. I was able to talk her into it and, as always, it was delicious, filling and gave me unbearable heartburn. It's a small price to pay for a good, fattening pizza.

I love anything Italian and everything Italian gives me heartburn. But, it's something I've resigned myself to and am commited to using appropriate medication just so I can enjoy the taste.

What I was really wanting to share before I got off on those rabbit trails was our visit to West Hill church. We visited a week ago and was really struck by how friendly everyone was. We returned last night to attend their Christmas part. It was an 80's themed party catered by Waffle House. I didn't know Waffle House catered but they do and, of course, it was good. We had waffles, eggs, grits and bacon or sausage. We also had karoke (fun and entertaing because few of them could sing).

Again, this church is very friendly. We had a number of people to stop by and introduce themselves and actually stick around to get to know us better. Kathy was even invited to a wowen's retreat by a very nice lady who at first thought we were regular attendees.

Now, I've visited many churches over the years and I was genuinely suprised by this church's warm, inviting acceptance of others. I wonder how they do it? How do they instill that sort of friendliness and acceptance of strangers? I have no idea really. I don't think preachers can preach it into people but I'll bet the leaders have a great deal of influence by example.

The church we recently left had that reputation for a number of years. I'm not sure if they still do or not. I hope so, but I just haven't had the opportunity to find out lately. I think the reason we had the reputation in the beginning was because our first pastor was very friendly. That sort of thing is contagious. I think friendliness makes other people feel safer to be friendly. It's like somone's courage rubs off on you. Who knows? I'm no expert, I'm just guessing.

So, for those of you who wish your church was more friendly I'd recommend a visit to this church and perhaps a study of it to see how it ticks. I'll definetly visit again just because I already feel like I'm a part of it.

Happy Feet

Watching Happy Feet with a few of the grandkids. The art work and animation is simply unbelievable. You have to tell yourself that's it's just a cartoon from time to time because the facial features and eye movement is just incredible.

Of course, the bad guys are the religious. I know believers deserve a lot of the ridicule and we have behaved as a closed minded and obstinate group of people at times. But, the moral of the story is that the believers are terribly wrong and closed minded and everything can be explained very simply. The believers are the ones who want everything to stay as it always was and are hiding the real truth from us all. They are afraid of change and are afraid to upset the gods. Again, a lot of this is deserved, but it is a common theme in today's entertainment world.

Why can't a believer ever be portrayed as a level headed, open minded, loving, tolerant, gracious person who is not threatened by logic or change and who loves those who are different than them? Are we all afraid of contrary arguments or of different views of God and His person? God is not afraid or offended and we should not be. We should meet every argument and false hood head on with grace and wisdom and not act as if every non-believer is the devil who deserves to be shunned and cast into hell.

The other bad guys, of course, are the fishermen (humans who are raping the planet to feed their fat bellies). The point is that the planet cannot support both humans and nature at the same time. We (the humans) are evil and the earth is good and happy and will thrive if we just leave them alone.

I grow so weary hearing about 'global warming' and recycling (as good as that is) and the environment. It is a religion and we are being indoctrinated with it at every turn. I know we need to treat the earth as a gift that God told us to populate and cultivate as a garden, but to believe in global warming would be to toss out centuries of changing weather patterns that have shifted unrelentingly since God placed the blue ball in space. I'll not try and make a point here, because you'd grow weary of reading and I would grow weary of writing, but I think you get my point.

Other than all of that, the movie was amazing and fun. I'm just a bit disappointed in the object lessons.

Buying my Christmas present

I'm buying myself a new radio/cd player for the car. But, it's really more than that. I want one the I can hook my IPOD directly into so I can listen to it without buying accessories. When I first got the IPOD I got a cassette tape adapter and that worked well, but then the radio started spitting the cassette out. I've tried 2 different FM tuners and there's just too much static on them to enjoy the music. So, I decided just to get a new radio.

Now, the question is, exactly what do I want in this thing? If I'm buying one I have to take into account all that I want out of it. I know I want AM/FM reception, that's a given. But, I also want a CD player, input for the IPOD and a USB port. That way, if any one thing fails I'll have 2 backups for entertainment. I can hook the IPOD up to the aux in or through the USB port (just in case).

So, I'm looking on Walmart's site last night and was overwhelmed with the choices available for around $100.00. I'm not much of a research type guy but I spent probably and hour and 1/2 on the site narrowing my search down (I'm more of a 'ooo, red! I like red' type guy). I also called my friend George (dial a friend) and got his input 'cause he knows a lot about this stuff than I do.

I'm pretty sure I've settled on a JVC for $128.00 on the Walmart site. So now I can start looking at other reputable sites (as in - they'll take it back without a hassle if there's a problem).

I hate this sort of thing usually, but it's really a good discipline to be forced into research because you've a limited amount of money.

Cleaning at Mom's

I was off today so I accompanied my wife to my mom's. She cleans the house once a week and Monday is her usual day so off we go.

Instead of doing much help with the cleaning I was assigned the task to bring up all the Christmas decorations. This means totting numerous boxes from the cramped basement to the den. Not too much of a problem really except some of the boxes are rather heavy. It was also raining at the time, but no biggy. I was able to get them all up and stayed relatively dry.

So, after that I asked Kathy if she needed any help cleaning and she suggested I vacuum for her. Now, we have been spoiled because we own an Oreck, which is the best engineered vacuum in the world (in my humble experience). Mom recently bought the worst engineered vacuum in the world (in my humble but accurate opinion). 1st, the chord is short, which is stupid; 2nd, the chord attaches at the base of the vacuum, which means you're always stepping on it and stopping all forward progress; 3rd, it doesn't vacuum stuff off the floor (hmmm, isn't that like, the point?); and 4th, you have to clean up a filter everytime you use it! Now, I may be prejudiced, but I'm not stupid. The engineer for the Hoover was stupid, however.

Anyway, I tied the chord to the top of the handle and vacuumed each section of floor twice so as to get most of the stuff up. Then Kathy and I went and bought another Oreck at Target because her's was getting old and needed replacing. But, we've had the thing for over 8 years and ran a cleaning business for like 4 of those years. Needless to say we've gotten our money's worth and did not hesitate buying another one.

My only question is, why would Hoover put anything like that vacuum on the market? All it can ever do is give them a bad name. I know I'll never buy one.

We also bought another DVD player for the kids to use upstairs. If you haven't bought one in a while they're really cheap now.

Okay, that's all my shopping updates for the day. Have a good one.

Just another day in paradise

Kathy and I visited WestHills church in Villa Rica this morning. They had an unusual service that they do once a year and our hosts wondered if we would we enjoy it. They had no preaching (which we would have loved to hear), instead they had different booths set up around the building. We moved from booth to booth at our own pace and the over-all theme was prayer. We prayed for ourselves, missionaries, leaders and our families. I think I can also speak for Kathy and say that we really enjoyed it.

Most of the people we met were probably under 40, although we met a few people in our age range. That didn't matter at all. In fact, it was one of the friendliest churches I've ever visited. We were met outside by a group of young men who made us feel very welcome. It might have helped that I knew the worship leader and he introduced us to a few people, but I don't think it would have mattered that much. We were confronted by a lot more overly friendly people once inside. I'm not sure if someone put a tag on our backs that said 'visitor - please greet me' or not.

The music was understated this morning since the service was focused on prayer. They only did 2 slower songs but the band sounded tight and the lead guitarist had a nice touch. The worship leader played an acoustic guitar that I was not familiar with but it sounded very nice. Had a good bright sound but wasn't missing the mids.

I'm glad the band didn't play much. Everytime I go to a church I'm picking through the music, trying to decide what I like and what I don't. It's rather annoying and often times prevents me from enjoying the service. This short music presentation was short enough to enjoy and slow enough not to distract me from the words or music.

In short, we enjoyed the visit and enjoyed the service. Westhills is a very friendly Baptist church who is breaking all the 'Baptist' rules. I'm sure we'll visit again soon.

Long lazy weekend

I took a day of vacation on Wednesday and won't go back to work until Tuesday. It's been rather confusing really. I kept thinking yesterday was Saturday. Our minds get so used to certain patterns that it's hard to enjoy the moment. It's like when you're driving and you find yourself on the way to work when all you wanted to do was go to Ingles. It happens to me all the time. I guess it's worse as you grown older because your life gets more and more in a pattern.

I don't really have a problem with it though. I sorta like the common place now. I tend to like getting up at the same time, doing the same stuff and going to bed early. I'm sure it's a certain sign that I'm getting older. Wait! I'm my grandfather! aaarrgggghhh!

Well, I don't think there's much I can do about it. Some parts of growing older are inevitable, like getting up 3 times during the night to pee.

Well, I'm heading out to Joey's to help him and Jennie move. And I'm not looking forward to it at all. I've been exercising but not too well lately and I know I'm going to get tired quickly. I did some running on the treadmill yesterday morning and I'm still a little sore from that. Yes, you're right, I'm lazy. I always seem to get that way during the winter. I hate it and will try to work around it, but I'm not optimistic.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for God and His Love

Thank you God for you unfailing love that has rescued me from myself.

A Month of Thankfulness - Thankful for Age

Yes, that's right! I'm actually thankful for growing older. Believe it or not (especially those who know me best)I think I have actually grown wiser as I've grown older. How do you measure wisdom? Well, I'm sure there's many ways but I look at it this way. I think you're wise if you can say 'no' to something you really want if you realize it is not the best thing to do or if it could hurt another. Like, if you have the opportunity to drink a bottle of wine because no one would know and you don't because it would give you a headache. Or, you realize that while you're drunk someone in your family might really need you. That's one aspect of wisdom.

It also means you do stuff you would rather not because it is best for you or for someone you love. Like slowing your car down so you'll make it home in one piece even though you wish that clown in front of you would get out of the way!

In other words, you're gaining wisdom when others are more important than you are. You can sacrifice yourself for the good of others.

I'm thankful that God has been very patient with me and give me a measure of wisdom that I never knew.

And to me you just can't grow in wisdom in 20 years. It takes time. It takes 30 to 40 years of hard stuff to get to where you get a measure of wisdom.

And growing old means grandkids and grandkids are wonderful!!!!

Thank You God for keeping me around a while. I hope You give me a little longer.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for Church

Church is more than a social event or gathering. Church is a place where you can give of yourself to something that is larger than yourself. It is a place where you can feel like you're making a difference in someone's life. It offers the opportunity for someone to focus intently on God, His plan for your life and His involvement in the lives of others.

I love church and I love the friendships I've made over the years as I've worked along side others in the church environment. The people I've come to love the most are the ones who are sacrificial and unselfish with their time and talents. They are not only givers, but love to give.

I've learned so much from people over the years in church. I not only learned more about God but I've learned a lot of practical stuff too. Through various relationships I've learned more about carpentry, music, mechanics, writing, and the world. I've visited places in the world that most people would not think of going on vacation to. Places like Romania and the small towns I visited there, working with their local churchs. They are just like us, only poorer. Places like the mountains of Jamaica where I was able to live with a family for a week while we labored on their new church building. These memories of my 'vacations' are more cherished and vivid than the beaches and mountains I've visited. You won't get those kind of opportunities outside of 'church'.

Kathy and I have decided just this week that it's time for us to find another church to get involved in. We are sad in one sense because we know we'll lose touch with some wonderful people we've gotten to know. We also thought that this would be the church we'd be in for the remainder of our lives. But, we just don't feel a part of it anymore. We're expecting more than the church is able to provide. We've hoped for what we felt like the church was capable of and have never seen it try and reach that potential over the years. It's a struggle that we're just tired of. We realize now that there are few in the church who even realize what the original vision was so no one is interested in reaching it.

So, we're moving on. Hopefully we'll be able to find a church that is striving for that vision and will follow it faithfully.

But, even if we don't, we're thankful for all the churchs we've known over the years and all the people who make up those churches.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for Water

The most unique natural resource in the earth. Without it we could not live, in fact we are composed of a great deal of water. All other substances shrink when they freeze. If water did it would sink to the bottom of lakes, streams and the ocean. Ice would then accumulate until all the rivers and lakes would freeze solid. God designed water to float on top and allow the fish to live underneath.

Water also stores heat very well which helps maintain a stable environment.

It would seem that earth is the only planet in the solar system that has liquid water. That makes us unique. We are in God's eye. In fact, He made all of this for us.

Thank You God for water. You who are the Living Water.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for Being Born When I Was

Of course, I'm also thankful for being born in the US. That almost goes without saying. If you're born in the greatest country in the world and you enjoy more freedom than anyone in the world, you have to be thankful for that.

But I'm very thankful to be a part of this generation in the US. We enjoyed, without a doubt, one of the greatest times so far. We saw innumeral inventions that added enjoyment to our lives and made living so much easier. Some of those inventions might have taken away certain aspects of life, such as the TV taking away family time, but their effect on us is determined by us.

I mean, think about it, we can travel almost anywhere in the world in 12 hours. We can talk to anyone in the world without any difficulty at at. We can actually talk to someone in Australia and see their image on our computer at the same time. We take lights, heat and air conditioner for granted, as if it's our birthright. And water! We eat anytime we want and just about anything we want. We work 40 hours a week and earn enough to buy just about anything we want.

My generation also grew up during a time of peace. As young kids our parents could let us roam the neighborhood and extend neighborhoods without worry. It was a time of peace and prosperity and we enjoyed it all.

I would have loved to have seen Jesus personally, but that's the only other time I would have liked to be alive that I know of. And, even then would have been a tough time to live.

Thank You God for picking this time and place for me to live.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for My Ears

Of course I love music, couldn't you tell. And without the wonder of my ears I would not be able to enjoy it or create it. Not much else I can say about it except I'm so thankful for the gift of sound.

A Monthy of Thankfulness - Thankful for my Guitars

I really like playing guitars. I have been blessed to have had some nice guitars and am thankful for what I have now. I started out with an old, classic Ovation. It sounded really nice, but had poor pickups. I 'sold' to it a young girl who was learning guitar. I didn't get anywhere near what it was worth but it went to a good cause. I sold her brother another nice guitar. It was a Martin and had a nice sound also. Anthony was leading worship and needed a better guitar so I sold it to him for a good bargain price too.

Since then I've owned a Taylor which was a nice guitar but not my favorite. Again, I sold it to a young man who was a worship leader. He got a good price too.

Now I have a Larivee (nice sound, good pickups), a Tacoma (my favorite acoustic), a American Made Deluxe Strat and a Epiphone Les Paul (cheap but solid). I have enough to have a backup guitar on stage or an extra for alternate tunings.

I have learned to get over the temptation that makes me want a better and better guitar and I'm content with what I have. They are all solid and sound good. What more to you want? I just wish I could play them up to their potential.

Thank You God for my mistresses (guitars).

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my Brain

Yes, I know, it's a small one and my memory seems to not find it's way around at times, but I'm thankful for what I've got.

I honestly find it difficult to understand how anyone can believe that something as complex, fast could have evolved. The brain is such as picture of creation! It's workings and architecture is unknowable and it simply cries out, "I am a wonder of creation"! To me, there is no other rational explanation. I guess my brain knows it's origins and demands that I acknowledge it.

We all know someone whose brain has gotten crossed up and are living in a 'different' world and I'm just so very grateful that mine is working as well as it does.

Thank you God for my brain.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my Talents

We all need to acknowledge that our talents and skills are a gift from God. Refining and honing those skills are our job, but the initial dose is His to distribute as He sees fit. How He sorts them out is a mystery to us all and I'm sure most of us have questioned His fairness from time to time.

I know I have. I have had the privilege of playing with many very talented musicians over the years and have often questioned God as to why they were better than I was. Some of my buds just had this inborn ability to play with such skill that I just grew jealous over time. I tried not to question God and His seemingly lack of fairness but I did.

Of course, I am musically talented. I am the only member of my family that even plays an instrument and I'm not sure if any of them could ever sing very well. If they could, they didn't. I've also been told by other people that I'm very talented and I know that's true. It's true because compared to them I am very talented. It's all relative.

So, I am thankful that God has given me the talent He has. I can sing, play guitar, write and dance (ok, I can't dance). Thank You God for my talent.

A Monthy of Thankfullness - Thankful for my Freedom

If you're an American you have to be thankful for freedom. It's something I hope I never take for granted. I can drive from here to Ohio (not that I would) and no one stops me at each state border for my papers. I can work at any profession I want, I can go or not go to church, I can eat what I want, drive what I want (until Al Gore finds a way to ban cars), and carry out any decision I make without worry.

It's a wonderful thing if you sit and think about it for a moment. I think it's what God had planned all along - do what you feel led to do unless it hurts another in any way. I wish the world was different and every country operated in this manner. We would all be more prosperous and happy (no doubt).

I'm not going to go on and on about this, mostly because I have a headache. You get the picture though. I'm thankful for freedom God. I believe it was your idea and and thankful You shared it with us.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for Fingers

Yes, that's right, fingers! I have been playing guitar tonight and realize how valuable my fingers are to me and my expression on the guitar. I love to play and just couldn't do it without the ten digits God has given me.

So taken for granted, yet so important to my world. I can type, play guitar, insert CD's, use a remote, hold cup of water, turn on a light, pick the eggshells out of the eggs when I'm cooking breakfast and a million other things with these wonderful tools that were conceived and created by the mind of God.

Thank You God for my fingers.

This was brought to you by 9 of the 10 digits that I possess. The left hand thumb just gives me balance when I'm typing.

A Month Of Thankfulness – Thankful for Music

Not much to say about this because saying anything about music comes up short if it's not put into a song. Music has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. I remember being told when I was rather young by our music minister at church that I couldn't sing. I sorta dedicated myself to proving her wrong and can remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror doing voice exercises so I could learn.

I took music in the 6th grade and was introduced to a trumpet and I fell in love with that. I played it through high school but gave it up afterwards because I had no one to play with.

I didn't think much of my singing abilities after that but was encouraged by another music minister who actually asked me to sing at his wedding. I was surprised but did sing for them.

Later, in my 30's I started playing guitar seriously to play in a home church group. I had played around with it a bit when I was in my teens but didn't work at it much. Now I had a reason to work at it and took it seriously. I practiced for hours every night and even took some lessons occasionally to learn different techniques. I didn't want to take the time to learn songs lick for lick because I was trying to spend time with my wife and kids at that time so I would learn a little, then make it my own by writing a song using the lick I has stolen. In this way I was able to learn a few new licks and write some of my own music.

As I shared my songs with people I started receiving positive feedback so I kept writing. I now have a very large catalog and one CD. I play my songs at church occasionally and find a great deal of personal satisfaction in sharing them with others.

So, you see that music has always been a big part of my life and I love it dearly. I can express myself much better through a song than any other way.

Thank You God for Music.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for God's Provision

I have a good job. I work for a very good company and work with some of the finest people in Atlanta. I am paid well for what I do and have never complained about how much I make. I've just always been thankful that life has worked out so that I do what I do and make a decent living at it.

I've been to other countries like Jamaica and Romania where unemployment is high and moral is low. I've seen people stuck in jobs that give them no challenge or hope for anything better. I've seen people who make enough money to just survive on and nothing more. I am thankful to be living here in the United States where the possibilities are almost endless and where the living standards are some of the highest in the world. You can't help but be thankful after you've seen how the rest of the world lives.

That's one of the reasons I have a bit of a problem with the glamorization of the 'homeless' here in the U.S. There are genuine problems for a lot of people here, but our idea of homelessness and the rest of the world's is completely different. I'm afraid most of our 'homeless' are there because they just don't want to work. Well, that's my humble opinion and it's only an opinion.

One of the main reasons I'm thankful for my job and how God has blessed me is because I was headed in the direction of homelessness when I was rescued. I had come to rely on drugs pretty heavily and didn't want to work much. I would have been content to take handouts soon, I'm sure. But God rescued me, shook me off and put me to work.

I've also been able to work 2 or 3 extra jobs during the time I've been married to help provide for my family. Now Kathy has a business that helps us out and I don't have to work as many jobs. That makes me even more thankful.

So, thank you God for providing for me and my family. Thank you for the energy and will to work and thank for the good compensation available here in the states.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for Grandkids

Oooo, this is an easy one. Grandkids, especially at the age ours are at, are so much fun. You marvel at their wittiness, talent and intelligence, and you find humor in their every action. They can be as sweet as honey and as aggravating as a boil from one minute to the next. The girls talk almost non-stop and the boys are always into some mischief or competition. When all five of them are over you really hope for good weather so they can spend as much time outside as possible. That way they can run and slide and chase each other without it sounding and feeling like your in the mosh pit of a punk rock concert.

I love to see them and love to have them help me plant flowers or do some other work in the yard. Most of them want to help you with whatever you’re doing, especially if it involves a shovel, hoe or rake. Of course, they love it if we’re using a hose because then they have a chance to spray each other. You have to have some patience, of course, and you have to make up your mind that all your plants are expendable, but the kids are not. They are going to destroy or harm something in the course of play or work, so if you already have that loss planned it won’t bother you as much.

I’ve always tried to keep this straight in my mind, that people are always more valuable and important than things. I don’t mind losing something or having it harmed as much as I do a child or an adult. So, if one of the kids breaks something or one of my friends need to borrow something and it’s broken in their care, it doesn’t matter. They are always more important than any thing. This way of looking at life really helps when you have grandkids that have absolutely no concept of the value of guitars, cars, computers or plants. I can take the loss of a thing, but never want to lose one of them.

So, I am very thankful for the privilege of raising my kids and I am very thankful that they have had children that I can love, cherish and teach. Thank You God for my grandkids, those who I know now and for those whom I will know in the future.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my son-in-law Tony

All 'my boys' are hard workers and are leaders in their work areas. They have all been raised to value hard work and are all smart and dedicated to their families and Tony is no exception. Tony is an electrician. It can be very hard work at times and can also be very dangerous. You need to know what you're doing and you have to do it right or it could cost you your life.

Tony is a union electrician and as such is very well educated in his field. He spent a great deal of time in a classroom environment before he ever touched a wire and it was a very tough school. But, Tony is a smart guy and he did well. In fact, he finished at the top of his class.

Tony grew up in a broken home and because of that has dedicated himself to be a good husband and father and he's done a good job at both. He works very hard everyday but doesn't mind helping out around the house when he gets home. He loves his kids and spends time playing with them and training them to do what's right. I'm very proud of the way he has loved my daughter and his kids.

Tony and I get along great, like I do with Paul, but we almost act like siblings. We can kid around and poke fun at each other because we are a lot alike.

I could not have asked for a better son-in-law and am proud of Tony and how well he's handled himself as an adult, husband and father. I thank God that He sent Tony to our family.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my son-in-law Paul

Paul is married to my oldest daughter Dawn. They met in college and seemed to fall in love overnight after knowing each others for a couple of years. Paul has fit into our family as if he were one of our own, which is what every parent wants for the people who marry their kids.

He is a smart young man who majored in business and seems to have a head for it. He works for a bank in Columbus Georgia and is doing well in that business.

Paul is a lot of fun and mixes well with whoever he meets. He comes from a good traditional southern family and has obviously been raised on good Christian values.

But the main thing you want for your daughters is someone who will love them tenderly and treat them like a princess. Paul has loved Dawn since he met her and has treated her like she deserves to be treated. She is a special person and he treats her like a treasure. We are proud to have Paul as a member of our family and are thankful that God has sent him our way.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my Daughter Joy

Of all my kids, Joy is the most appropriately named. She is a joy to be around and just naturally brings joy to those around her. Being the last was a challenge I'm afraid. By the time she was born we had 3 other little rambunctious toddlers running around and she ended up competing to get attention. Of course, she fit right in and kept up as best she could. We did spoil her a bit though.

With three others vying for attention we tended to just give her what she wanted. It's like Bill Cosby once told one of his kids who were complaining that their younger brother had their stuff, "just give her what she wants, she's got my stuff too"! She'll admit she was spoiled too, but she overcame it well.

Joy was undoubtedly designed to be a mother. She has 3 kids now and is doing a great job taking care of them and keeping them in line. They all know she loves them and they all know she's the boss (after their dad). When she gives an order there is no doubt she will follow up if it's not carried out, but she also shows them grace when it's needed. I marvel at her motherly skills.

Joy is also a loving and loyal wife. She and her husband have a solid, fun and good relationship together. They laugh at and with each other without apology or inhibition and they can correct each other safely without the other getting their feelings hurt.

Now, if you know Joy you know she loves animals. Although I had large dogs around when they were growing up I can do without animals in my life now without a problem. But, Joy does not know that there are limits on how many animals a suburban family can handle. She's not a crazy cat lady, but she does push her husband's patience at times when she talks about getting another dog. At the latest count she had 2 chihuahuas and a boxer and was asking around for another large dog for their boxer to play with.

Joy was not planned, but then again I don't remember planning any of our kids. But, the best things in life are suprises anyway. Joy was a great suprise and continues to be a joy in our family. Thank you God for Joy.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my Daughter Angela

Today I’m thankful for my daughter Angela, my third born. Is it a characteristic of 3rd born children to be agreeable and cooperative? I’m not sure, but those are 2 of Angela’s personality slants. We have never had much trouble at all out of Angela. She is just one of those types of people that wants to please.

Now, wanting to please can be both good and bad. Good, if she’s doing what she knows is right, but bad if she ends up pleasing someone who is taking her down the wrong road. Fortunately Angela has always had an obedient heart for God, so she was strong enough to say no to those kinds of people. She has always had a very tender heart, but also a strong one, which is a great combination if you can get it.

Angela has the natural athletic abilities of her brother too. She really excelled on the soccer field and it was more of a case of giftedness than work. She could just do it and do it well. She was also very teachable which helped. She was also good at basketball, but only because of her lightning fast reflexes in the defensive field of play. She may have made 3 baskets her entire career, but the number of steals she accumulated would be hard to match.

As I said earlier, Angela has always had a heart for God. She loves Him intensely and obeys His voice. She also has a heart for others and puts that love into action in every way she can find. She is involved in many ministries here locally and has even gone overseas a number of times to work with the extremely needy in the world.

A heart for God; a heart for others; a hearty laugh and fun loving personality; an obedient spirit and beauty to top it all off; Angela is someone I’ll always be thankful for.

Thank you God for giving us such a precious gift.

A Month Of Thankfulness - Thankful for my Daughter Dawn

Dawn is the 2nd born in our family, but the 1st daughter. As such, she has always assumed the 1st born characteristics of leadership, being driven, wanting everything to be under control. When the kids were young Dawn was the one calling the shots and organizing games. Nathan was laid back enough to let her assume leadership and didn't seem to mind.

It was fun to watch them all interact, especially Dawn and Nathan. Nathan never saw an obstacle he didn't think he could overcome and Dawn always had some kind of idea for them do. I'll never forget watching him try and help her climb a fence. She had a rope around her waist and it was draped over a tree above her. He had the other end wrapped around his butt and was backing up, pulling her up the fence toward the tree. She was in charge though, telling him how fast to go and when to stop and start. It was a great glimpse into their relationship. He could do anything with the right tools and she told him what they were going to be doing.

Dawn is a very smart girl. She has a great ability to memorize facts and has always done exceptionally well in school. She decided in grammar school that she would only make A's and that's what she did all the way through he schooling career, with very few exceptions.

She is one of the most driven people I've ever met, but she balances that with great humor and a love for people. Give her a goal to reach and she'll work herself in the ground to meet it. Give her someone in need and she'll drop whatever she's doing and see that they're helped.

She gave her heart to the Lord as a young girl and has never looked back to question that decision. She has remained faithful to His calling and has maintained her integrity since that time.

She is so much fun; so full of love and laughter; so smart and beautiful and I'm thankful she's my daughter. Although, I'll have to give Kathy most of the credit for Dawn's intelligence and beauty, I'll at least take credit for her laughter.

A Month of Thankfulness - Thankful for my son

Today I’m thankful for my son Nathan. A guy is always hopeful for a son, and especially a son who becomes a real man; independent, resourceful, a leader, and tender toward his wife. Nathan is all of those things and I’m very proud of him.

He was always very athletic (unlike his dad) and tough. He always excelled in any sport or activity he tried and I was always amazed and proud as I watched him. He had some health issues as a youth and had to take some time off from organized sports but that didn’t slow him down much. Instead, he concentrated on personally challenging style sports like rock climbing. He trained well and did well at that too.

He did spend some time as a musician. He played in a high school band with some buddies and they really were pretty good. He can’t find his bass anymore but has expressed and interest in doing it again. His generation just kills me. They don’t see anything as a challenge like we do. They just do it.

Nathan is a leader in the business world and is very good at what he does and has been rewarded well by his employers. He is a talented carpenter and remodeler too. In fact, I don’t think there’s anything he can’t do if he puts his mind to it.

He has struggled with addiction but seems to be getting that behind him now. I certainly hope he does and finds some peace with that. He’s also spent some time married to the wrong woman but that is thankfully nearing an end. I just wish his children lived closer to him so we could all see them more often.

Nathan is a good man. He is all I have ever hoped for in a son and I’m thankful that God entrusted him to Kathy and I as his parents.

Thankful for my wife

Today I’m thankful for my wife. We’ve been together 31 years, and yes there have been times where we’ve both wondered if we had done the right thing. I say that for the benefit of the younger readers of this site. Everyone will have doubts and questions about their marriage, because we all have faults and weaknesses. But, hanging in there and working through those times make the other 99% all the more precious.

We are so unlike each other in many ways; she likes soft music and I like rock; she likes emotional TV and I like action; she worries about the kids and grandkids and I am content to let them get through their own troubles and pains; she likes coleslaw and I don’t.  But we have been best friends since we started dating. I was attracted to her because she was easy to talk to and I felt very comfortable around her.

She is much smarter than me (except when it comes to computers, which she hates). She handles so many details with the budget and her business and is something of an expert in my mind in the real estate business. She is compassionate and caring and is not a shy person at all. She loves people and loves talking and she’s not shy about telling someone they need The Lord.

She loves her children and grandkids and will stay connected in their lives whether they want her to or not. But, they don’t ever seem to mind. They know she loves them more than life itself and know she would not hesitate to give her life for one of theirs if it ever came to that.

I have found life with Kathy to be easy, comfortable, pleasant, entertaining, challenging, good and satisfying. I have tried to cherish our relationship and protect it. I have loved her from the first kiss and hope we can enjoy many more. She is a blessing.

What I'm thankful for today

I'm thankful for redemption. I'm thankful that I have been bought back from the devil and the hold he had on my life. As it is with most people I was very selfish and hurt many people because of that outlook on life. That led me to a dependancy on drugs and other hurtful vices and I helped other people in my life to 'enjoy' the effects of them. What you don't think of when you're involved in that lifestyle is the damage you're doing to others when you introduce them to sin and I did a lot of damage back then.


When God redeemed me He broke the chains that held me and set me free from myself and my selfishness. I changed my focus from me and refocused on the needs of others. That led me to a good relationship with my wife and helped me raise my children. It empowered me to work hard to supply for my family, working  2 or 3 jobs most of the time we have been married, and not thinking of it as a sacrifice.


An outward focus helped me work in church for very little pay over the years and not thinking I was being short-changed. I looked at it as a privilege and not as a chore. Work became a joy and not a burden.


I have been able to forgive those who have hurt me rather than seek vengeance or retribution. I have learned to love and have been given the great gift of patience.


I am thankful that God bought my life back from the one who can only kill, steal and destroy. I am thankful he is my Dad.

Halloween has come and gone and the demons lost foothold again!

Although, I'm not completely sure about that. My point is, everyone in the neighborhood had fun and none of the kids in our neighborhood seemed to become demon possessed during the holiday. I think we might have turned the corner and it's now just a time for kids to have fun. I don't think the devil giggles every year knowing he has a night all to himself to enslave the unaware. He already has the world in his grasp anyway.

My son-in-law packed his kids up in his truck, invited a few around him to come over too and took them all on a hayride in my trailer. He wanted to do my neighborhood because it's a bit more compact than his and requires less walking. The kids were all dressed up in their spookiest and cutest costumes and had a great time extorting candy from our neighbors.

I didn't dress up (although I'm going to next year), but I did decorate our porch and run a smoke machine. A lot of the parents were impressed and some of the younger ones were a bit scared of it, but it was a nice effect. I'm going to add a bit more to the whole scene next year. Seems like every year I walk away from each holiday with better ideas for the next year. I guess that's normal, but I wish I would get into the season a bit more before it actually arrived. I always seem so unprepared. I keep putting off any effort until their right on top of me and them I'm scramblin' to get everything done. Then I miss stuff. Oh well, it's not like I'm trying to win a contest or anything, just want to make it fun for the kids.

Speaking of that, I think they had as much fun running the smoke machine as anything. I let our kids push the button before they went off hunting for tricks and they fought over doing it. The 2 year old had the most fun with it. He liked the hanging lights too. In fact, I was afraid he was going to knock them down, but they hung in there. Having a 2 year old around is so much fun.They're so easy to impress and entertain. On the other hand, they don't have a very long attention span so you have to stay sharp to stay ahead of them.

The only way I could distract him from the lights was to give him candy. Everytime he would turn back to them I would say, "want some more candy Hunter?" and he would spin around and  say "more PawPaw". No problem keeping their attention when you have candy around.

So, Saturday night was a success. Sunday was nice because we took a nap after church and then visited my mom and my son in the evening. It's always nice getting to visit with everyone.

How do you know if you're in the 'right' church or not? This is a question many people struggle with, especially if they find something 'wrong' with their current church. If you run into a problem with the church you're attending, whether it's a doctrinal issue or a more personal preference, do you stay and work through it or do you just pack your bags and move on?

I think a doctrinal issue is a justifiable cause to move on. Your relationship with God is based on your personal beliefs and if your church doesn't agree on a point you will never find peace there. Of course, I think you should sit down and talk to the leadership about it first instead of just exiting without anyone knowing why, although I don't think a church will change its doctrinal stance based on the input of one person. It's just courteous to explain your reasons for leaving.

Personal reasons (at least to me) are things you need to talk to God about first. And the reason I say that is because it's really easy for us to get our feelings hurt. And if we leave a church every time that happens we'll be moving more than a fugitive from America's Most Wanted.

I've always felt like a person is 'called' or 'sent' to a church by God and should stay until God moves them on to work somewhere else, or until He gives them permission to leave. I don't think the decision should be taken lightly or based on our personal feelings. It also wouldn't hurt for us to discuss those feelings with someone who has no dog in the fight, someone who is not involved in that church and wouldn't feel hurt if we did leave. And then, also discuss your leaving with the church leadership, be it the elders, staff or a deacon. Let someone know why you're leaving so if it's a problem with others they will not be caught off guard.

What are some genuine reasons for leaving a church that God has called you to? Well, I think worship style is important. If you're used to traditional music and the church moves to a contemporary sound and you don't feel like you can worship there, leave; also, if you're not charismatic and the church moves in that direction you might feel justified in leaving; if you're involved in a ministry that the church can't or won't endorse and you feel hindered, leave; or if the church is not involved in any outside ministries and you feel they should be, leave. There are many other justifiable reasons that would take a book to list, but you get the idea. It should be something that hinders your relationship with God or others that motivates you to leave, not just because you don't like the way they chose the new carpet.

But, the main thing to consider in all of this is, will anyone miss you if you leave? Will they look around in a month and say, "whatever happened to what's his name? You know, the one who came in late, sat on the back row and left immediately after service." That's not how you want to be remembered. If you are God's child and He has called you to a church, you should be truly missed if you leave. There should be a hole in service when you vacate the premises that they are forced to fill in your absence. That's the kind of person I want to be. In fact, I believe it’s the biblical example of a true believer.

So, raise you hands if you know someone apparently normal in every way except they married a nut, kook, maniac, or schidzoid. Eveyone knows someone who has done this. You just have to shake your head everytime you meet them or see them. Someone deep inside the 'normal' person is not right, that they would commit themselves to someone who is obvioulsy disturbed or at least off balanced.

Why have I thought of this (despite the obvious for those who know our family)? Check out this short article I found on the internet today,,,,

Love Can Mess You Up: Before Arthur David Horn met his future bride Lynette (a "metaphysical healer") in 1988, he was a tenured professor at Colorado State, with a Ph.D. in anthropology from Yale, teaching a mainstream course in human evolution. With Lynette's guidance (after a revelatory week with her in California's Trinity Mountains, searching for Bigfoot), Horn evolved, himself, resigning from Colorado State and seeking to remedy his inadequate Ivy League education. At a conference in Denver in September, Horn said he now realizes that humans come from an alien race of shape-shifting reptilians that continue to control civilization through the secretive leaders known as the Illuminati. Other panelists in Denver included enthusiasts describing their own experiences with various alien races. [Rocky Mountain Collegian, 9-28-09]

Brother David was at least some what normal, although he did teach an evolution classs (takes a great deal of faith to believe in that). He was a college educated man who spent enough time in class to achieve a doctorate, which is a great accomplishment. It at least shows that he was a hard worker and a deligent student. But, now he's looking to the night sky for his ancestors, who apparently resemble a gecco. All because he meets a woman who has probably spent a lot of money on smokable weed.

I have to feel some compassion for him. I've known others who married outside of the normal thinking world. And it can be hard on the ones who would love to spend time with them. But, just as light has no relationship with darkness, so saneness has no relationship with a nut-cake. It's just a law of the universe I'm afraid and a very frustrating one at that.

Well,  it seems like winter instead of fall to me. I think he was waiting outside the door just watching and waiting for the right time to slip in and surprise us all. You can't help but make fun of Al Gore during a week like this. Yes, we know Al, global warming is also making the winters colder and is creating hurricanes (like we've never had those before) and earthquakes and causes the rising oil prices and hang nails and hemorrhoids. I'm sorry, but I don't believe in his hype. He is a politician and all politicians have an ulterior motive. It's all about money and power. They know no other motivation after they've been in office for a month or more.

You think you know a politician with pure motives, who truly wants to make a difference and is only trying to do the will of the people? Sorry, they may start out that way, but there's just too much corruption at their fingertips to stay that way. They should be limited to 4 years at the most, and then get a real job. Of course, after they serve in office they'll still make their living in the political rhelm by being a consultant or something. There's just too much money available to give it up for real work.

I don't know how I got on that subject. I honestly tire of the whole political scene very quickly. I don't like or trust any of them. So,,,,,off I go.

I took the day off today to watch my grandson for my daughter. The crud is moving through her house and Hunter has a runny nose and is pulling on his ears. She's just started a new job and can't miss work (even though she doesn't feel good either). I've got some vacation days that I've stashed away for a rainy day and was glad to help. It gives me time to do this, which is nice. Hunter's watching the drivel on PBS (poorly animated cartoons with sappy morals). They are a far cry from the quality we enjoyed as kids watching Bugs Bunny, Popeye and the Road Runner. Yogi Bear and that whole gang came along later and was just not the same quality of art as the earlier stuff (although the humor was good).  Now we've got a huge Red dog; bunny rabbits who do nothing more than get dirty to the consternation of his sister; and someone who builds things (taking the place of daddy?). I'm not a fan at all.

I do like Sesame Street though. Very creative and diverse. Yes, it's ladened with syrupy morals and lessons on getting along with others and being yourself and stuff, but they do it so well. Plus, they're realistic enough to include a grouch, and a Dracula.

Okay, going to do some surfing as long as I'm here and the baby is content to watch TV.

It was a good weekend all around. I got some 'stuff' done around the house, which makes me feel useful and fulfilled as a husband and homeowner. I like to get something done around the house on the weekend or I just don't feel like I've done my part, you know? It's actually hard for me to take the weekend off and just chill out. It's even hard for me to do a day trip. I like to work. I like to accomplish stuff. It makes me feel good.

So, anyway, I got the plants in and set them up in the basement. This will be the first time I've tried to winter the anuals to see if they'll make it to next spring. I usually just buy new flowers each year, but this year I brought 'em inside to see if they'll survive. I had to hang some chains up and prepare a place for the ones that just sit around. I left the light on and set the temp to 45%. Hopefully, that will keep them alive. If not, it's back to the greenhouse in the spring. All of this stuff is new to me so I'm experimenting.

I love to work in the yard now. It's another creative outlet for me. This year I added Elephant Ears to the back yard and they really did great, mostly because we had a lot of rain. They're supposed to die back on their own and come back next year. I hope so, because I love them. As long as you give them water they thrive.

Not much else on my mind today,,,

Seems like a long week to me. Not sure why except it's been busy and a bit stressful at work.

I drive a commuter van at times to and from work and last week was nearly involved in a major wreck. A line of cars in front of us were involved in a chain reaction breaking manuver that caused a number of cars to end up sideways in their lane. In the melee I was forced over into the lane on my right which was already occupied, by a car to my left. I still can't believe that we all managed to continue on without a scratch.

My co-workers were not as fortunate this week. A van heading toward the north-east part of town was involved in a roll over accident which took the lives of 3 employees and injured 6 others. It seems that another motorists clipped their back bumper and caused them to roll over 3 times before coming to rest on their side. It was a terrible and tragic accident and put us all in a somber mood this week.

It never ceases to amaze us when death intrudes on our world and our friends or loved ones are taken away in a sudden and unexpected way. It's just hard to get used to not seeing them around anymore. You're walking down the hall and can just imagine them turning the corner, smiling at you or saying hello.

I hate death!

I knew the 3 employees at least to some degree. Rocky and I got to know each other because we both had prostate cancer at the same time. We talked often about our treatments and their effects on other parts of our body. That sort of thing builds a certain comradery with others. It's like your on a battle field with them fighting a common enemy. I had talked to Ollie on the phone from time to time. He was very helpful and pleasant. He was one of those people you knew you could count on and you knew would do what they could to help. I had seen Cindy around a good bit but didn't know her personally. She was always friendly and always had a bright smile on her face.

And so, they're here one day, smiling and enjoying life and gone the next, not realizing they should have spent a bit more time saying goodbye.

I hate death!

Computer work and a reunion

Saturday was a bit overcast so that exluded yard work. I had a meeting in the morning at church and when I got home Kathy and I drove to Marietta for some computer shopping. Her computer is just out of reach of the wireless router it seems. It must be getting old and just doesn't have the diaphram support it once had becasue it just can't scream loud enough to be heard across the house.

I bought a range expander to put in the living room so it can pick up the signal from the router and shout it out to the other side of the house, nothing original, just repeats what it's heard. Reminds me of some people I've met.

I got on my Mac and configured it according to the instructions but could not connect to the new signal. Then I discovered that I couldn't connect to the old signal either. I somehow corrupted the router when configuring the new. I had to call technical support then and they had me reset my old router to the factory defaults. I then had to reset the password for WEP and eventually got everything working again. You do know that I work on computers for a living, right? I hate computers.

So tonight I have to try it again. "We'll see" he said skeptically.

And on Saturday night I went to my 37th year high school reunion (I know I don't seem that old). Actually we celebrated the reunions of classes 1968 - 1975 which was more fun.

I was really amazed at how well everyone has held up over the years, especially the women. Some of them didn't seem like they'd aged at all. Looks like someone put them in a tupperware bowl for a number of years and they just quit aging. And everyone was so friendly and nice, having long ago buried the cliques that they had joined in school. I guess we all found out that they didn't mean anything anyway.

High school is such a twilight zone anyway. You take a bunch of immature half-grown people and put them together in an environment that they basically build themselves and you're destined for trouble. The cute ones don't hang with the normal ones and the normal ones despise the cute ones; the jocks don't understand the nerds or musicians and the nerds and musicians don't care what the jocks think.

But, there are some rare individuals that mix well in all the groups and I was fortunate enough to be one of those, although I didn't date any cheerleaders back then (dang it). I just wanted to have fun and I did. I got in a lot of trouble and didn't study that I can remember but somehow made it out on time.

Anyway, it was fun seeing everyone again, even those that I didn't know too well. There were way too many singles there because of failed marriages, but that seems to be 'normal' now days.

I wish all the kids in school now could see what it's going to be like later on down the road where no one cares what you look like or what kind of car you drive. We're all just struggling to get by and realize that those things really don't matter much anymore. And I'm sure a good many of the 'cute' ones which they had married an uncute one that would remain faithful over the years. Only a guess though.

Church

I’ve been going to the same church now for over 10 years. I was ‘on staff’ there for most of those years, which means I was in charge of the music ministry (not much pay, but lots of responsibility). I was asked to participate by the pastor back when the church was a fairly new and small entity and I’ve watched the church grow over the years into the body it is now.


I love the people there and have always seen an amazing potential in the organization. Everyone is energetic (at least, most are), friendly and cooperative, with a heart for others. But, we have been plagued with one crisis after another over the years and I can’t help but compare ourselves to other churches and ask God, why?

We seemed to have a great group of people; a great vision and purpose; a lot of energy; very little disharmony; good music and good preaching. And we did do well for a while, growing quickly and being very involved in the community and in reaching others with the message of the gospel. But, just as soon as we started growing, we took a major hit.

Our pastor was involved in an indiscretion and resigned, along with our associate pastor. We found out at that time that we had neglected to build a good strong infrastructure, such as by-laws and a constitution. We didn’t have elders or other formal ‘lay’ leadership in place either, so we were ill equipped to handle the storm. We also found out that we were in very poor shape financially which added to the damage. I’m surprised we made it through the storm at all, except for the leadership of our youth pastor and the unity of the body.

And over the few years following all of that we’ve gone through 4 pastors and 3 or 4 youth ministers, along with a nearly complete turn-over in membership. We’ve hovered around the same number of ‘members’ and ‘attenders’ and have had all our needs met, although with very little left over each month. We’ve continued to minister to others, but have always struggled to maintain our identity and keep focused on the original vision.

It’s been a struggle for me to not get discouraged when I see other churches in the area who are involved in the same type of ministry doing so well while we just seem to be trying to keep our head above water. I’ve asked the Lord about it many times and I understand a little of why, but it doesn’t help. I still get discouraged from time to time.

I realize a lot of the problem has to do with not laying a good foundation when we were first formed. Our first pastor was a great guy with a great vision, who really loved people, but he was not as strong in the organizational areas and he let his own weaknesses overcome his ministry. And the other leaders involved at that time didn’t take the time to establish accountability roles and structure to guard against those dangers. If you don’t have a good foundation the building will always suffer.

Anyway, sometimes these things just weigh on me. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a member of church that thrived instead of struggled. I know all churches have struggles, but some more than others.

I am thankful for the years I’ve spent at our church. I’ve grown as a person because of my association there and I’ve made so many great friends. I hope I’m not sounding like a complainer. I’m not complaining, just wondering out loud.

Just thought I’d share.

I'm in a hurry

A song by Alabama that very accurately describes my life,,,,


I'm in a hurry to get things done

(oh,) I rush & rush until life's no fun

All I really gotta do is live & die

But, I'm in a hurry & don't know why


Don't know why

I have to drive so fast

My car has nothing to prove

It's not new, but it'll 0-60 in 5.2, oh

Chorus


Can't be late

I leave in plenty of time

Shakin' hands with the clock

I can't stop

I'm on a roll & I'm ready to rock oh,


Chorus

I hear a voice

It says I'm running behind

I better pick up my pace

It's a race & there ain't no room for someone in 2nd place

And why am I always in a hurry? I have no idea. I have tried and tried to slow down and actually enjoy the ride but always find myself in the fast lane. I even have a hard time just sitting and talking with people. I’m fine for about 30 minutes and maybe an hour, but then I’m ready to get up and get going again and for no real reason.

Now this driven life does help if you have things to do, but honestly, a slower and more paced oriented person would be just as effective. I’ve actually seen it work that way and try to convince myself of it, but myself don’t listen. He just plows straight ahead with his head down, picking up the pace.

Well, I’d love to talk more about it, but I gotta go. I’ve spent much too long writing this as it is.

Saturday with the grandkids and a headache

Had a terrible migraine headache Saturday but had agreed to keep my daughter’s 3 kids for her. The 2 oldest are never a problem, except maybe for Taylor who has a habit of talking non-stop. But the youngest, who turns 2 today is a hand full on any day, and with a splitting headache it was a real challenge to be a patient Paw-paw all day.




I took them to Hiram in the morning and we did some shopping for some Halloween decorations. Now, for those who have a problem with Halloween for religious reasons, please accept my apologies, but I just view it as another fun time for the kids. When they dress up and ask for candy they have no idea they are calling on the forces of darkness to possess their souls, they’re just having fun. Besides, most churches have ‘Harvest festivals’ now and the kids can still dress up and ask for candy. I guess they’re calling on the forces of harvest now, which could mean a prosperous future.



Anyway, we got some spider web stuff and some string lights for their house and ours but I just didn’t feel like putting them up Saturday. Instead, I put the youngest down for his nap, sent the kids out to the garage to play and laid down on the couch with an ice pack on my head (which felt wonderful).



When Hunter woke up I was notified by hearing him say ‘look, look’, so I got up to ‘look’. When I opened the door to his room I was struck by the smell of poop. And I mean the smell was strong! He had emptied his diaper and smeared it all over him and the bed. So, to the bath with him and Windex for the bed posts. I had to throw away the pillow that was in his bed because it didn’t have a pillow case over it. Needless to say this whole incident did not help my headache and I called my daughter to let her know I had had enough. She was sympathetic and came over to relieve me so I could take my much needed nap.



You know, it made me feel for moms who cannot call over reinforcements. They are moms regardless of how they feel. A noble selfless life is required by moms and they deserve all the thanks and flowers they receive.

A night at the funeral home

I had a good friend that went on to heaven this week. He was older than myself and would be considered one of the 'great' generation. He was one of the friendliest and most gentle men I've had the pleasure to know. I wished I had spent more time with him, but we lost touch after leaving the church he attended and I had no opportunity to see him much after that.

Lloyd was the kind of guy who when they talked to you seemed genuinely interested in you as a person and not just wanting to talk about themselves. Those people are hard to find in life. Most of us want to talk about ourselves and when you meet someone who is really interested in you, you want to spend time with them.

You could quickly tell what kind of person he was when you pulled into the parking lot. It was packed full and we had to wait for someone to pull out in order to park. And then the lobby was full of people and it took us 30 minutes to get to the waiting line. We met so many people we hadn't seen in years that it just took a while to get around to seeing the family.

I was also struck by the fact that we won't see most of these people again until someone else dies or someone gets married. It's sad, but true, that we're all just very busy and are clustered in our own worlds and can't find the time to visit like we'd like.

I can only hope that when I die I have made as much of an impact on people as Lloyd did. I know I won't care who attends the funeral but I hope that people will actually miss me when I'm gone.

Memories (Continued) - I really enjoyed Boy Scouts as a boy. I didn’t really get into the merit badge stuff much but enjoyed the meetings, camping and games. I don’t recall the leadership really encouraging us or helping us much with the merit badges. I think if they had I might have put more energy into it. We were Troop 1, which was the 1st troop in the Atlanta Area Council and it continued on into the 80’s although a mere shadow of its former self.


(Lynn is front row, 2nd from the left – skinny, right?)

But the games were great! The first night of Scouts I’ll always remember. The troop had about an acre corner lot with a shot-gun building with wood floors, a gravel parking lot and lots of woods. Our first game was inside and was just for the younger boys. We stood inside on the wood floor in a circle with our hands clasped to each others forearms for added strength. There were 2 boys in the middle of the circle, one had a belt and the other didn’t. The object was for the boy with the belt to beat the other until he either jumped over the arms of the circle or burst through. I thought I had died and went to heaven! This was the coolest game I had ever played and knew that I was going to enjoy scouts.

Another belt game was called drop the belt. It was played outside with all the boys in the troop (young and old). Everyone stood facing the inside of the circle with their hands held behind their back. Someone would walk around the circle with a belt and leave it in another boy’s hands. That boy would then chase the one to his immediate right twice around the circle, whipping him as they ran. Then, the boy who was doing the chasing was the one to drop the belt. Everyone loved this game except for the slower guys.

I’m sure the game BuckBuck has faded into oblivion because of its rough nature. I hope I can explain how it was played. A boy would hold onto a tree with his legs spread. Another boy would bend at the waist, hold onto the other boy’s legs and place his head between the 1st boy’s legs. A 3rd would then bend at the waist, holding onto the 2nd boys legs and putting his head between that boy’s legs. This would continue until you had about 5 or 6 boys in the chain. The other team would then get a running start, spring off the last boy’s butt and jump as far forward as he could, landing on the backs of the boys bending over. Their feet could not touch the ground. The team would continue to pile on hoping to cause the 1st team to break under the weight without them touching the ground. It was fun and challenging and I’m pretty sure was the cause of at least one broken leg.

I’m pretty sure Kick-the-can is stilled played and you’re probably familiar with it. There are 2 teams, and a can placed in the middle of a circle. One team hides while the 2nd team waits for a determined amount of time. After that time all but 2 of the 2nd team hunts for the hidden team, capturing them by grabbing them long enough to say a lengthy catch phrase. If anyone is captured they are placed in jail and must remain there unless someone from his team kicks the can without getting captured themselves. It involves stealth (which I loved), some amount of strategy (to kick the can) and a certain amount of roughness when attempting to kick the can or in guarding it. I loved it. The part I liked was sneaking up on the can and kicking it without getting seen or caught. And if I did get caught, someone was going to feel it when they tried to stop me.

We also played a game inside called ‘Spud’. We used a tennis ball and everyone who played was numbered. Someone would take the ball and throw it in the room (all walls and floors were hardwood) and call a number. Whoever ‘owned’ the number had to find the ball and holler ‘SPUD’ which caused everyone to freeze in place. Then the owner of the ball would throw it at someone in the room. If they were hit without a bounce their number was recorded. And for every time your number was recorded you had to endure the Spud line, which meant you had to bend over a desk and become a target for everyone throwing the ball at your backside from about 10 feet away. Needless to say, you really tried to avoid getting hit during the game because that tennis ball would really sting.

We also had a demerit system during the meetings, and for every 3 demerits (if I recall correctly) you had to go through the belt line. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Boys were lined up in 2 lines facing each other and the one to be disciplined had to run through, getting whacked on the way by both sides of the line. Richard Groover once got something like 30 demerits one night. He was going to have to run through the line 10 times and lined up like he was going to run, then turned around and did run, all the way home. He lived about a mile and a half from the scout hut and just took off home instead of enduring the line. We just stood there and watched him in unbelief.

I know a lot of these ‘games’ sound primitive now and would probably result in charges being brought against the scout leader, but to us it was normal and fun. This was during the 60’s and we played rough, had a lot of freedom and never worried about being sued or about having someone from ‘the county’ investigating what we did at scouts. I had the time of my life and still recall moments of my life playing those games. I can remember the hits; the sneaking around trying to avoid being seen by the ‘enemy’; devising plans for a diversion so we could kick the can; getting chased and chasing others during drop the belt; and piling on during Buckbuck.

We liked the hiding and pursuing games the most because they involved Indian-like stealth and hiding, and they involved catching your opponent, which resulted in some rough behavior. One such game was called fox and hounds. Two boys would run out in the darkened woods by themselves and hide and the other boys would be sent out later to find them. My older brother always felt like he was good at the hiding and loved being the ‘fox’. On one night he did not run far at all, but climbed up really high in a tree just outside of the scout hut. He knew that everyone would probably run past him and on deeper into the woods and felt secure in his hiding place. Just as he planned, when released, all the boys ran excitedly right past his tree and into the woods, totally oblivious to him and his buddy in the tree next door. All the boys ran past except for one that is. A lazy, dorky kid came walking up, hands in pockets, looked right up in the tree and spotted them both! “I see you Mulkey” was all he said. My brother muttered an obscenity, said something about killing the kid, and then stepped onto the limb just under him to descend the tree. Only, the limb would not hold his weight and snapped loud enough for all of us to hear. Ricky came down the tree very quickly after that first step, breaking limbs all the way down. He landed on the ground on his back and refused to breathe for what seemed like an hour. I stood over him trying to get him to talk to me, but all he could do was try to grab a breath. Fortunately for the kid he did not feel like fighting after that.

Next – the camping trips

Memories (Continued)– My dad

My dad fought in WWII in N. Africa and Italy. He was drafted before he finished high school and was shipped overseas at the same age I was playing in the high school band and skipping school with my girlfriends. I can't imagine what that was like for him. His first letters home were so innocent sounding and naïve. He told his mom that he didn't think they were going to be shipped overseas. But, of course he was. We know that he fought in intense battles in Italy, in close quarters and had any number of personal kills. He would never talk about it but did one night when his captain visited. They talked late into the night, remembering their nightmares and letting my mom in on the action. He was blown out of fox holes and recovered his captain after he was dislodged; they were trapped behind enemy lines and killed an old goat before they starved to death, but then got dysentery from it; they were in close enough quarters when fighting that at one point he ran into building and took cover behind some boxes only to discover later that they were cardboard; he captured a German “instead of shooting him” and had him go behind a building and start digging his grave before his captain stopped him and fussed him out. His letters were kept and you could just feel as you read them how he changed over the years from a young boy to a hardened soldier. He was in the group that raided Mousilini's castle and we have a picture of him with the swords around his waist. He mailed them home but they never made it, of course. So, after the war he was told there was 2 ways to get back home. He could take a plane or go back by boat. He looked at the plane that was in sight of where he was standing and saw how it was shot full of holes and decided on the boat. He figured that he'd made it that far and didn't want to die going back home.

The Mulkeys are a happy bunch of people. You come to our reunion and you'll see for yourself. Someone is always telling a story and somebody's always laughing. We love practical jokes, just plain jokes and any story that will get a laugh. My dad was like that too. He was always doing something or saying something that made people laugh. On many, many mornings at breakfast he would sit next to me stirring his coffee and then take the spoon out and lay it on my arm, asking innocently, “Is that hot?”. “Ow! Yes!” I would reply quickly with everyone at the table cracking up. I still don't know why I never learned to anticipate that.

The legend that he became as a practical jokester was accomplished where he worked. He worked for Georgia Power at one of the generation plants. They worked in shifts, it was hard work and sometimes dangerous, but they had made it through the war and were not afraid of work. They also played jokes from time to time and it helped build moral and a kinship among the workers. Daddy was really into jokes too. One day he left his shift a little early and went down to the locker room, removed all of his clothes but his underwear and then bundled himself into a ball in his buddy's locker. When his friend came down and opened the locker door dad rolled out of the locker and onto the floor as if he was dead. They had to revive his buddy.

Dad was involved in our lives. He was a member of the PTA and helped out with the scout troop. He taught us how to drive and let us drive his cars once we had our licenses. He also tried to keep us busy (as well as mom). I don’t recall him ever paying anyone to fix anything around the house, as well as his cars. He would fix plumbing and windows, replace water pumps, brakes, transmissions or anything else that broke. I’m not sure he really enjoyed doing that stuff. He probably couldn’t afford to pay anyone and had to do it himself (like me). He also worked on appliances if necessary.

We had to help him with whatever he was doing, although I realize now that he just wanted us to learn. I did learn a bit helping him, but mostly he just wanted me to hold the flashlight. Now, for those of you who have never had the privilege of holding a flashlight for a mechanic you have no idea how impossible that can be. There is no possible way to keep the beam of light in the right place no matter how talented you are or how skilled. There’s always something in your way (including your dad’s hands, arms or head) and your arm gets fatigued very quickly.
“Son, hold the light over here!”
“I’m trying, but your arm is in the way”
“Well, move over a little and shine it up between the starter and the bracket”
“Which one is the starter?”
“This one! This one right here! You don’t know what a starter is?” raising his voice as his frustration increases.
“Yea, I was just kidding, Hold on and let me move around behind you” trying to sound helpful and knowledgeable.
“Well hurry up, my arm is getting tired holding the ratchet up here” (like my arm wasn’t screaming from holding the stupid flashlight)
“I’m trying dad, I’m trying”
“Oh just forget and give me the light, I’ll hold it in my mouth” he says loudly as he jerks the flashlight out of my hand.

Good, now I could go back in the house and watch The Road Runner. Of course, when I walk back in the house my mom says, “I thought you were helping your father?”
“I was, but he got mad ‘cause I couldn’t hold the flashlight right”
“Well, go back out there and try to do it better, he can’t do that by himself”

My shoulders would slump at this point knowing I had to go back outside (where it was like 40 degrees) and knowing I was just going to get hollered at again. Oh well, caught in the middle again!

Our washer and dryer were in a room on the other side of the carport and were vulnerable to the weather since there was no heating or cooling there. So, in the winter the washing machine would often freeze up, if not the pipes supplying water to it. Dad would end up out there with a heater, torch and tools trying to thaw things out and performing resuscitation techniques on the machine. The room was just wide enough for the 2 machines to fit side by side and to get to the back you had to wiggle them out a bit and then jump behind them. Dad did this one day, after the washing machine had sustained an injury and quit on my mom. So, dad wiggled it out and climbed over dropping down on the other side. Once there he found that he didn’t have enough room to work so he tried to extract himself and climb back out. Unfortunately had had not pulled the machine out enough for him to climb back out and he was wedged in such a way that he couldn’t push it. He pushed, pulled, jumped and wiggled to no avail so he started hollering for my mom. Unfortunately, she was busy cleaning and vacuuming and could not hear him. He literally screamed until he was hoarse and to no avail. Fortunately my uncle happened to drop by and heard him and was able to rescue him, but it took a day or so for him to get his voice back.

Dad was pretty good with mechanical things. For instance, he had at one time 3 different lawnmowers, all of them rigged up in some elaborate way, although I’ve never seen him use one. My older brother asked him one time why he never cut the grass and he replied, “that’s the only reason I had you boy, now get to cutting”. And, although my dad could crank one on the 1st or 2nd try the boys could not crank one for nothing. He would tell us to have the grass cut before he got home from work but we would pull on the chords until our arms felt like rubber bands. He would get home and my mom would back us up and say that we tried all day to crank each one of his rigged up mowers and couldn’t. He would fiddle with it a minute or 2, pull the handle twice and the stupid thing would roar to life. To this day I have resent and fear small engines. They are a mystery to me and I’m sure they intentionally refuse to cooperate with me.

As I said, he taught us how to drive and he did a good job at it. He taught us on manual shift cars and was very patient as we jerked the car forward until we got the hang of the clutch. He taught us how to slow a car with the gears and to shift without the clutch if necessary. He taught us how to drive in hazardous conditions, including snow and ice. He showed us how to start a car that was flooded and the correct way to brake on slippery surfaces. He would make us stop on a steep hill, pull the emergency brake up, release the clutch until it took hold, release the brake and start off smooth. It took a good number of tries before we got the hang of it, but we did and he was very patient even when he thought we were going to destroy the transmission. I understood how valuable these lessons were as I started hanging out with other guys who did not have the same privilege and I found myself teaching them.

Dad worked at the local electric generation plant and worked odd, rotating shifts with a healthy (or unhealthy) dose of overtime. In all his time with his company he missed one day sick until he had his heart attack. I guess if you made it through a war you felt like work was easy street. In the evenings when we were home he would always be found sitting in his chair reading the paper and smoking a cigarette. His hearing grew worse and worse over the years from working at the plant and the TV volume was raised appropriately. He slept a lot during the day because of the different shifts and kept an air conditioner running in the bedroom even during the winter to drown out the noise. He wore a socking cap to keep his head warm so he wouldn’t get sick. And we had to keep our noise down as much as possible when he was sleeping. There was nothing worse than waking the bear from his hibernation!

Dad did have a temper. I would have probably had a worse one if I had the 3 of us to deal with. He could stop us cold with a snap of his finger and could call us home with a whistle that could be heard for miles. Now, you know how rambunctious boys can be and we carried that concept to its limits when we ran through the house and out the back door (the front door was only used by guests who didn’t know us). The back door had a country look to it with 3 panes of glass above waist level. Dad would always holler at us when we ran out the door and slammed it behind us, “Don’t slam the door, you’re going to break a window pane!” Of course, we apparently paid little attention to it because we never caught on. Well, one day mom and dad got into an argument about something and he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. We never said a word as we watched the top pane of glass dislodge itself and break on the floor. He never stopped either as he got into his car and sped up the street out of site. I’m still a little unsure about us ever having the nerve to laugh about it later.

He also lectured us relentlessly about spinning the tires on the cars. We had a ’57 Chevy with a large block V8 that was capable of smoking up the tires when you wanted to and he knew that young boys could hardly resist it from time to time. But, he was the one who paid the bills and he didn’t want to have to buy new tires before their time, so he warned us against it constantly. Of course, he and mom got into a fight again and we watched him smoke the tires out of the driveway, up our street, turn right onto the main road and smoke them out of site. I don’t recall it ever being brought up in his presence though. There were just some things best left unsaid.

Dad was also a deacon in our church and took those duties very seriously. He spent many evenings dressed up in his suit heading to the hospital to visit church members who were sick or injured. That always made an impression on me as I grew older and was sure it was a reason that the funeral home had never had such a crowd as were there on the night of his wake. We found out then what a likable and well thought of man he was to those outside of our family. He was also one who would help out neighbors and friends in need, like the time he saw a friend trying to roof his house by himself. Dad just drove on home without stopping, collected his tools and his oldest son and drove back to help out. Mr. Fricks reminded me of it after dad had died and what a great impression it had made on him that he would do that without being asked.

One other story about him that gives you a bit of a glimpse of the man: he was always kidding one of his friends about running out of gas. It seemed as if Mr. Kilgore was always running out of gas. I guess he just liked to see how far he could go on a tank. Well, dad and I were driving in that neighborhood one day and he blew the horn and waved as we passed their house. They were out raking leaves and waved back, smiling. But, instead of continuing on down the road dad just coasted to a stop 2 houses down. I asked him why he was stopping and he said that he had run out of gas and didn’t want them to know. He just smiled and headed back up the street, preparing for the taste of crow as he walked.

And now as I sit here and write, over 30 years after his death I wonder who he really was. You see I was a teenager when he died and had more important things on my mind than who my dad was. I was also doing drugs at that time and was only interested in my self and my own needs. He and I never did communicate very well anyway, so when he died I felt like he was a stranger to me. I would give anything to sit down with him now and talk for a while. That’s one thing we didn’t do much of and I regret it terribly. I would ask him to tell me everything he remembered about his childhood and the war and raising 3 rebellious boys. What was it like heading overseas as a young boy, knowing you were being sent to a war? What did you feel like when you were being shot at or shooting at others? And when you came home and started a family, did you have nightmares of those terrible days in Italy? Did you also feel overwhelmed at times with the weight of raising a family? Did you ever cry when things got too hard to handle? So many questions I would pepper him with that it would take days for him to answer them all. But, I don’t have that opportunity. I’m stuck here in time and he has moved on to a place where time no longer matters. I can only hope that when I leave this world I will be able to spend some time with him and that he’ll feel like talking about it all.

Oh, and dad,,,, I know you weren’t perfect and I know I was a punk. I’m sorry for all the grief I caused you and wanted you to know that I miss you terribly sometimes.