The Big 'C' Word

I can remember as a young boy hearing of cancer. It was a frightening word that meant unimaginable pain followed by certain death. And, I'm sure in the 60's people were considered 'dead men walking' if they got cancer. I knew I never wanted to get it. I mean, there you are minding your own business while an unknown and unwelcome parasite is taking over the inside of your body. And most of the time you never know anything is going on until it's too late.

I found out sorta by accident that I had prostate cancer. I had blood in my stool and went to the doctor about it. He brushed that aside as a simple hemorrhoid but wanted to get some blood tests while I was in. I'm glad he did now, because cancer had already taken hold down between my legs and was trying to ruin my love life. I had radiation treatment and the doctors assured me I could rest easy, the cancer would die.

Well, it did for a while, but now it's apparently back and we don't want it to advance any further. I just don't like the drugs they want me to take. The side effects sound like something you'd expect to occur in a concentration camp.

Kathy and I prayed about the whole mess last night and I found a great peace in the midst of the fear. Here's about how the prayer went,,,,

"Lord, Kathy and I love You and have served You faithfully all these many years. You have been my father for a long time, especially since my real father passed away so many years ago. I've relied on You to guide me and protect Kathy and I and have never worried or doubted that You would. And now the devil has attacked me with this insidious disease (I believe it's him trying to kill me) and I need You to help me. Please heal my body of this cancer and protect me from it's power. We love You and trust You to help us."

You know, I have a real peace about the whole thing. God has numbered my days and I may die tomorrow, but I have asked Him for at least 20 more years. I still have some stuff I want to accomplish in this life and I'm not in a hurry to get to heaven. I'll have eternity there, but I'm only given a little while here, so why get in a hurry? I'm confident that God will protect me and heal me. He will take me home only when He is ready and the devil and his cancer be hanged (they can go to hell for all I care).

Like a Rolling Stone

Jan. 26, 2010, a day that will live in infamy. That's the day I had my first kidney stone. I also hope it marks the last day I had a kidney stone.

I woke earlier than usual that day and felt a little groggy and off. I felt like I had been drugged or something, but got up, got a shower and got dressed. Actually, I guess I should preface this with how I felt last week. Starting over a week ago I started having internal chills, headaches and "I just don't feel good" symptoms. I even visited the doctor last Thursday because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. He thought it was a virus and sent me on my way. Apparently my body sensed something was wrong and was trying to let me know.

After getting dressed I sat down to do some reading, which is my habit, but just couldn't get comfortable. My stomach was a bit upset and my back felt stiff. I kept moving around, trying to find a place that eased it up, but couldn't, so I stood up. And that's when all hell broke loose. All of a sudden the reality of what was wrong became evident, as there was a very pronounced pain in my left side where I understood my kidney was housed. I tried walking around the room to see if I could get some relief but the pain just intensified. It didn't take long before I got my wife out of bed and told her I had to go to the hospital. And all the time she was getting ready and I was calling work and my ride the pain increased. There was no relief to be found in any position I could find. And the pain was intense.

She drove me down to Tanner in Villa Rica and I hopped out of the car in front of the emergency room, walked in and tapped on the window where the night nurse was sitting. I was supposed to fill out some paper work but brushed it aside and announced that I had a kidney stone and wanted help NOW!!!! The nurse sorta smiled and said he understood, that he knew what I was going through and not to worry about the paper work. He took me back immediately and they took my vital signs. My blood pressure was up, but we all understood why and they hurried as much as they could. Another nurse took me back to a room while Kathy signed me in. She took some blood, then hooked up an IV. Shortly after that she slipped in 2 drugs, one of which was morphine and oooooo did it feel good. Actually, I didn't like how the drug made me feel because it sorta rushed my head, but the pain was gone and that's all I cared about. Well, it wasn't completely gone, but it went from a screaming 10 to a 1 in about 2 seconds.

They did a CAT scan on me and confirmed that it was a kidney stone. I needed one other shot of morphine before they released me with a prescription for more drugs, but I was already feeling better. I saw another doctor later in the day who explained everything to me and went over the film again.

I'm without pain right now, which is good. I haven't passed it yet, but at least I'm not hurting. Of course, the bad news is, there's another on the right side that could try and escape at any time. That is cause for worry.

I'm In A Hurry And Don't Know Why

Yes, I know I'm a very impatient person. I despise slow drivers, or at best don't understand them. I try to be patient with older people, but I don't understand why anyone who is under 60 would want to drive slower than I do. Why isn't everyone in a hurry? Aren't we all in a race against time and need to push ourselves constantly because we have to get somewhere faster? Or something like that. I don't know why. I've gone over this any numbers of times in my mind, but I have no idea what the answer is or even if there should be an answer. I just have this internal drive that must get everywhere faster.

Which brings me to Ingles. I really like to shop at Ingles. They have big, clean stores with lots of stuff and lots of unusual stuff. It's my kind of place. But the pumps are an altogether different thing.

Welcome to Ingles, please scan your Ingles Card,,,wait, wait, wait,,,,,

Welcome valued Ingles customer, please choose payment type,,,,Credit outside - wait, wait, wait

Please insert your card in the card reader - Card entered, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,,,

Please choose fuel grade - Cheap - wait, wait, wait, wait, wait


Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh - This is insane, especially when it's cold outside. Is this dial-up or do they send carrier pigeons with each response?

I'm a baby boomer who grew up with technology and I've seen it change from a rotary dial telephone to the speed of light used with the internet. I'm used to speed and I hate to wait on anything electronic. Electronic stuff is supposed to be fast, as fast as light, faster than sound and faster than analog.

I just finished filling out a complaint form on the web site. Time will tell if they will actually respond. In the mean time I will be very impatient.

Organizing Again

It’s amazing how only 2 people can generate so much unused stuff in a house in such a short time. I started doing a bit of organizing of kitchen drawers this weekend, which led to the hall closet and I was just amazed at how quickly we can accumulate junk. Of course, a lot of it has to do with Kathy’s mom visiting yard sales and loading Kathy down every time she visits. I know when she finds these treasures that it makes sense to buy them, since they are dirt cheap and in good shape, but they mostly just fill up space and are thrown away in 6 months.

Let’s see, in the kitchen drawer were 3 to 4 pair of scissors, at least 15 to 20 pens (some no longer working, of course), 2 magnifying glasses, keys that have no known locks to turn (and yet we’re afraid to throw them away), 4 bic lighters, 3 nite-lights, 1 multi-plug, 100 push pins (an estimate), various tools and other miscellaneous things which have no known purpose (like the cover to some remote or toy). So, I put the tools in a box in the closet; put the pens in one tray and the scissors in another; put the other stuff in their appropriately names plastic bins in the hall closet, which led to it being re-organized.

In the closet, I cannot even begin to count the number of drug bottles and tubes that were thrown away because they had expired. I re-organized all the drawers so that the band-aids were stored with their brothers and sisters and not off in the ointment neighborhood (they do not get along). I also discovered lots of motel soap and shampoo that were canned, along with ointments that had a checkered past.

After we were done we had lots of open space left and were both amazed at how nice it looked. Everything is now stored with other relatives and all the plastic containers are nicely labeled. So, if we’re looking for ear plugs we will look in the “eye, ears, nose” box instead of finding them in the “extension cords” box.

I’m posting this because I’m sure we’ll go through the same routine around July of this year and find that the closet has coughed up a whole new batch of useless stuff which we’ll throw away.

Living By The Spirit

I know I’ve written about Christian matters before, especially as it relates to relationships and now I’m going to post again.

I heard a sermon Sunday that got me thinking again about the relationship between our bodies (“the flesh” as it is referred to in scripture), our spirit (that is made alive again when we enter into a covenant with God) and our soul (the mind, will and emotions that ultimately govern our actions).

When we enter into a covenant with God through Jesus (when we are “saved”), our spirit is made alive by His Spirit. We are reborn in the spiritual sense and are given new power to overcome sin. We are first forgiven of our sin and are also given power over it’s control in our lives. For once we have the ability to say ‘no’! This is a good thing and something that we need to both cherish and rely on.

When we are born, we have a soul and we view this as the seat of our mind (intelligence), our will and our emotions. Our soul is who we are in one sense and the soul will never cease to exist. Our soul is what responds to music, art, words, others, etc. and is the reason we all feel so passionately about our choices of music. Music becomes an expression of our soul, because our soul is what responds to the emotions introduced by music.

Our flesh is something we are stuck with on earth for as long as we live, whether we like it or not. Our soul is tied to our bodies as long as we are living and our body (obviously) is the channel of information for our souls. Our soul is also the traffic cop between our body and spirit. Our will (soul) decides what the flesh will respond to or dwell on and we will either starve our spirit or feed it. We receive input from our senses and our spirit is affected by the information we feed it through our bodies. If we let our eyes, ears or touch feed on evil, it will darken our soul and spirit. If we let them feed on good it will enlighten and nourish our soul and spirit. But the soul is really the traffic cop.

Now, let’s look a moment at the difference between the flesh and the spirit. The bible says that the spirit gives life and the flesh death. We know why the spirit gives life, because it is energized and controlled by God’s spirit (if we are born-again). But why does the flesh bring death? The answer, of course, is because it is selfish and sucks life out of everything around it. The flesh, by its very nature is a life draining force. We eat to satisfy our bodies and something must die in order for us to consume it. And in every other way our flesh never gives life but always drains it, or kills it.

I had a pastor friend who cheated on his wife. It was a selfish act of lust that lasted a very short time, but hurt many, many people for a very long time. I'm sure when he was doing it he thought he could keep it secret and it would hurt no one, but he couldn't keep it secret. In fact, even if he had it would have still affected his relationship with his wife and others. When people seek to satisfy their flesh by living selfishly they will always hurt those around them in some way. Why does God put such a great emphasis on sexual purity? Because when we break that law we are killing our partner. When a person has sex with someone outside of marriage they rob the person they're having sex with of sexual purity and of the other benefits that come with marriage. They are also robbing their partner of the benefits they agreed to when they entered into that covenant, bringing sadness, hurt and emotional rape. Sex was meant to be entered into as part of a greater covenant. That covenant gives benefits to each of those who agree to it such as security, joy, peace and emotional intimacy. To have sex outside of that covenant is to rob someone of those benefits and is selfish. But those truths are also true in other areas of selfishness. Selfishness always, always, always robs someone of something and always must wound or drain life and energy from those around you. That is why it is essential that we live by the Spirit. We must train our souls (our will) to say yes to our spirit and no to our flesh. If we don’t we will only drain life from others and will inevitably leave wounded and hurting people in our wake.

If we are living by the Spirit we will give life to those around us because we will always be more conscience of their needs than our own. ‘Others’ become the driving force in our lives, why we rise in the morning, what we do during the day and why we stay up late in the night. To sacrifice our own wants, energy, freedom, hunger, pain and time becomes the normal way to live life and we, after some time, don’t even consider it a sacrifice. The Spirit is, by its very nature, an unselfish person. We say ‘no’ to a selfish lifestyle because our focus is always on the needs of others and not on ourselves.

So, how do we come to live by the Spirit and not the flesh? It seems as though the flesh is too strong to say ‘no’ to and the Spirit is such a gentleman that He is easy to say ‘no’ to. We do it first of all by agreeing with God that we cannot do it on our own and we can with His help. Once we agree with God we open ourselves up to His power. He responds to faith and agreeing with Him is faith. Next, we, by an act of our will, decide that living by the Spirit is really more advantageous to us than not. We realize and verbalize that being selfish kills others and we prefer others to live; really live. We realize that living by the Spirit will not only bring life to others but to ourselves and we decide, by an act of our will, that we will spend the rest of our lives saying ‘yes’ to the Spirit. We then hang out with and align ourselves with others who agree to this lifestyle so that we can find encouragement and help when we feel weakest.

I know that sounds like a ‘how-to’, because it is. But God does spell things out like that in His word. He gives us clear instruction on how to live in agreement with Him. It’s our job to agree and follow the steps.

Galations 5
13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love. 14The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."[b] 15If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Icey weather in the south

I got up early Friday morning around 4am to check the roads. We had a prediction of some precipitation the night before and seeing how it was in the 20’s we knew it could spell trouble for Georgia roads. I know the northerners make fun of us because we can’t drive on ice, but we only get to practice like once a year and we haven’t developed those necessary skills. Unlike our ability to endure oppressing heat in the summer and still get a lot done in the yard. I’ll bet you anything we sweat more than our Minnesota friends in one year than they do in a lifetime. Besides, we get a day off for snow and they still have to trudge through the snow and ice, which is nice.

Besides, who can possibly understand why anyone would want to try and endure a winter that lasts 6 months with temps hovering on both sides zero and with snow so deep it can swallow a car? Insanity must be highly regarded in such a place.

Anyway, I stepped out onto our sidewalk and knew we were probably in trouble. It wasn’t a problem with the snow, it was rather a sheet of ice. The road was in the same shape, so I called the office and went back to bed for a while. It’s one thing to drive on snow, which does not present many problems, but driving on ice is nearly impossible in my estimation. I checked with my neighbor and he actually made it to the entrance to the subdivision and saw a truck gingerly backing down the hill, so he turned around and called it quits too. We were able to make it out of our subdivision by Saturday morning but some roads were still impassable, so I had to take some detours.

Our lake is also frozen over with a layer of ice. The edges are pretty firm. In fact, they’re firm enough to bounce a good size tree limb off of. Of course, I’d be stupid to try walking on it as 2 young boys found out this weekend. They died while playing on a lake and breaking through the ice. We’d need a good month of really cold weather to freeze a lake solid enough for foot traffic and we generally don’t get that kind of weather.

Speaking of that, it looks like we might be in for a lot of cold weather in the years to come according to some scientists. I guess Al Gore will lose money if that comes true.

I spent Friday and a good bit of Saturday scanning pictures and editing them. I’m trying to scan all the pictures we have so as to protect them from untold events like excessive water in the basement. We lost a lot of pictures because of that in the past and I want to insure we protect them somehow. I’ll use some type of internet security system to copy them to so I’ll have them on at least 3 disks.

By the way, it’s Monday and there’s still plenty of ice around. A lot of counties are still calling off school. It doesn’t take long for a southerner to get tired of this kind of weather.

Focused again

Okay, I haven’t really felt like writing much this week. I’m focused on other things and haven’t thought as much about it. I did write the stuff about Ben and enjoyed that over the holidays, but that’s been about it since.

Music is on my mind right now. I’m focused again and I like it. Since I gave up the music ministry I have been floundering in the music side of my life. Without a clear purpose or direction I tend to just piddle around and not really work on my guitar skills. I have been doing some song writing but that feels futile because I don’t have an avenue to share them right now.

So, I make my up the stairs to my office, pick up a guitar, strum or pick it a while, then set it down because I’m bored. I would try some youtube teaching videos out from time to time but just couldn’t stay focused on them.

It’s frustrating and I beat myself up a lot for not being disciplined, but I’ve found that I need a purpose for playing to stay focused. That’s where David has been a help for me.

David is a guitarist friend that I’ve played in a band with. He is a really good guitar player and I like to play with him but we’ve not been in touch much because our band wasn’t doing anything. I called him the other day and he told me about a Mexican restaurant he visited and heard a couple of old guys playing music during his meal. They weren’t very good and he remarked to his wife that he thought the 2 of us could do much better if we tried. I said, “let’s do it”, and we’re going to try.

That brings me to this. I’m now practicing guitar every night trying to get up to speed on a lot of music I’ve neglected over the years. I’ve been practicing “Blackbird” all week to get it down smooth and I’ve been listening to other soft rock songs to try and get them in my head. It’s exciting to have another purpose to work for and it really keeps me motivated.

I hope I can integrate some of my songs into our mix from time to time which would be nice. It’s rather frustrating to write what you think are good songs and never have anyone but your family hear them. We’ll see how that goes. In the mean time, I’m working hard to get ready. I just have to teach my fingers to do what they need to do on the guitar. I think I can handle the vocals okay, but the guitar needs work.