Compatibility

What a strange word to describe a relationship that is harmonious. It actually sounds like combat-a-bility, which, if we were totally honest, could describe some of our marriages.

Kathy and I have been married now for 33 years. We have enjoyed most of that time together (at least I have) and have learned to not only get along well, but to actually love each other. We have learned what not to fight about and why we shouldn’t. We’ve learned to accept each other’s weaknesses and treasure the other’s strengths. We can go weeks and months without a major disagreement and have learned how to push them aside and forgive each other when it’s over. All in all, it’s been a very good journey and one I treasure more than anything else in this life.

But, I have to ask myself how we can get along so well when we are so totally different. You want to know these things in case your kids ask your advice about marriage. For most guys (including myself most of the time), we’d just shrug our shoulders, say we didn’t know and ask what’s for supper. But I’ve decided I need to figure it out at least a little bit so I won’t sound totally stupid if the question ever comes up.

And to say we’re different is without question. We’re like oil and water, cats and dogs, eggs and broccoli. I mean, there’s the obvious difference between man and woman. We all know the differences there and their implications, but ours goes beyond that.

Music
Our tastes in music are from one spectrum to the other, although I can enjoy her preferences from time to time. She likes soft, soothing, relaxing, quiet, mood-enhancing music like smooth jazz or Celtic Woman. She prefers her music in the background and not ‘in your face’. She likes country and anything on 98.5. Now, like I said, I can appreciate that style and will listen to it under the right circumstances (when she makes me), but it’s not my favorite. I’m more of a fan of classic rock, blues rock, blues, pop and anything else that is loud, creative and done to perfection. I like to turn the volume up to the point where it is just about to blow the speakers so I can totally immerse myself in the music. I have an eclectic taste in styles and bands, but tend to zero in on blues and blues rock most of the time. So, how do we manage to get along so well with such varied tastes? It’s easy. When I’m with her I listen to her preference and when I’m alone I listen to mine. I take her to the concerts she enjoys and go with my buddies to hear bands I like. In other words, I yield to her preferences when I’m with her because I know it makes her happy, and we all know if the wife is happy the husband is happy.

Organization
I have learned over time that I am an efficiency centered person. I don’t like to waste time and make adjustments in my life to avoid it when possible. I drive too fast because I’m always in a hurry. I don’t have any idea why I’m always in a hurry, but I am. I’ve tried to slow down and enjoy the ride, but always end up in the left lane shouting at the idiot who’s driving too slow and doesn’t have the courtesy to move over. And the crazy thing is I usually get to where I’m going early and have to wait for normal people to eventually show up. This drive for efficiency is also evident at home in my organizational skills. I like things in the right place so I don’t have to spend time looking for them. I like my clothes to be hung up in categories so I can put my hand on a work shirt quickly and don’t have to move the dress shirts out of the way to find it. I have my tools organized so I don’t have to look for the ½ inch socket (although I always seem to lose that one). Kathy, on the other hand is not consumed with organization. She can handle complicated real estate deals, balance the checkbook, schedule a mission’s conference at the church while watching a 1year old grandchild with ease, but her office is a mess. I think it’s because she has so much going on all the time that she doesn’t waste time putting stuff in a special place because she figures she can find it later. I don’t really know, but it works for her.

Cooking
She cooks and I don’t, unless she’s not home and then I pop a microwave dinner in for 5 minutes.

Toilet Paper Roll
I always, always, always change out the rolls when they’re empty and always make sure the tissue rolls over the top and not under. Why anyone would do it otherwise is one of the greatest mysteries of the universe, but Kathy never thinks about it.

Kids and Grandkids
Kathy is, without a doubt, one of the greatest moms and grand moms there ever was. She talks to her kids nearly every day and offers advice when needed or when not. She rarely hesitates to ‘keep’ the grandkids when asked even when she’s tired and needs to rest. She will remain plugged into their lives until one of them dies whether they want her to or not. I, on the other hand, like our house without kids. I love my kids and grandkids and want to be the best dad and pawpaw there ever was, but I really enjoy this time in my life without them here all the time. I like to walk around in my pajamas or boxers without embarrassing someone and spend time on my stuff now instead of devoting my time to their sports and lives. To me, they’re grown and are on they’re on their own now. I’ve done the best I can to prepare them for this life and spent many, many hours on that project. Now it’s time to spend time on other projects. I’m here if they ever need advice or need help on any project around their house, but only if they ask. I don’t want to intrude into their lives and won’t unless they ask.

These are just a few examples of how we’re different. I could spend another hour or 2 on how we’re alike though, so it’s not as bad as it seems. But, it is amazing to me that 2 people can live together for so long and not get completely tired of each other. We have our struggles still, but we’ve leaned a long time ago how to get through them together and not be selfish about it. In fact, that’s the real key isn’t it? If you both strive for unselfishness, you can live together in harmony. The bible says it best, as always – Romans 12:10b “Honor one another above yourselves”.